@laureljan

I arrange flowers and books for money, make comics, talk mad shit constantly

 Auckland, New Zealand
sk8fastandeatass.com
Joined November 2011
  • Tweets7K
  • Following640
  • Followers268
577Media
just finished “The Empusium” by Olga Tokarczuk and good fucking god.
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My incredibly wise and autistic father on co-workers spelling your name wrong
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ThePersistence
@ScottPreslerSep 25
The more illegal aliens we deport, the more that rent prices will decrease.
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boyfriend got a boner from kissing me on the forehead. I prayed for times like these
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My Chilean friend was trying to tell me that my boyfriend reminded him of an “anime character” in his cowboy boots, and it took several minutes of me guessing and him googling (“Cowboy Bebop? Trigun?”) before he finally pulled up a picture of Woody from Toy Story
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the greatest human inventions, in order: 1. Penicillin 2. Anesthesia 3. Dishwasher
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Friend was having a houseparty for his 32nd bday and a bunch of his chill neighbors came by who are all 20-21. I offered them tequila shots and they said “oh thanks but we don’t drink” and then proceeded to do the fattest fuckin lines of coke that I’ve seen in my life
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As a shitter, please wipe your ass with your bare hand
tegaebi
@tega_ebiJul 18
as a reader, please use ai. ai can help you understand a book better. just upload the book as a file and chat with it.
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I hope the bitch who stole my instax camera from a hostel makes beautiful memories with it. I hope she appreciates how cool the mechanisms of the camera are. Bitch
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it’s crazy having a boyfriend who actually likes you. Had forgotten what that’s supposed to be like lol
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Like what do you mean you wanna come over on a weekday just because u miss me… is this a prank
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talking about sex in general with my lesbian friend and she said “Laurel you’re disgusting. You’re like a gay man in a woman’s body”
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heaven forbid a woman eats a little ass
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no shade but personally after riding through the entire desert i would’ve given the horse a name
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Finally got this old Iranian dude on Facebook marketplace to sell me his 2012 kindle after weeks of trying to arrange a time. I asked my Iranian friend what to do and he suggested mentioning I had an Iranian husband (a lie), and boom picked it up same day lmao
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I’m about 50 pages into this book on Hideo Kojima’s recommendation, and unfortunately it’s the same kind of reddit awesomesauce writing as Andy Weir, Brandon Sanderson, etc. I’m gonna keep going to see if the Kaiju are at least cool, but the dialogue is exhausting lol
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computer, please kill all accounts that post multi-paragraph bullshit-story engagement. If I have to see one more “a woman I worked with left her husband, and everyone…” I’ll kill them myself
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60+ y/o kiwi men looove when you ask them “ain’t your first rodeo, huh?” with an American accent. I can almost hear them kicking their feet and giggling on the other end of the line
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just finished torrenting a 4gb movie from 1 peer. It took 4 days. We’re bonded now
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one time a man I had been on a few dates with called me avoidant before I knew what that meant, and I just thought he was accusing me of avoiding him specifically. which was true
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