Linkedinu

Calling someone gay or retarded is illegal again in public, but with our technology, you can just mouth it and your group chat can read it anyway.

we all had to sign a card for a coworker thats retiring and i just wrote "please take me with you" in it

Don’t let the Democratic midterm victories causing a massive market tech wreck distract you from the fact that North Korea stole $6.36B in 20 minutes. There’s only one guaranteed way to detect a North Korean in your life. You should apply the following test to every interview candidate, love interest, friend, and family member.

sex is great but have you ever quit a job that was ruining your mental health?

Forgot to post my Halloween costume

For fifty eight years, my boss in Tokyo believed that beef should be sliced as thin as paper. In Japan, we cook thin meat for four seconds in boiling broth. That is our way. Then last month, the YouTube algorithm showed Director Sato a video of a man in Texas smoking a brisket. It changed his life. On Monday morning, he called me to his desk. His eyes were bloodshot. "Have you seen this?" he whispered, turning his monitor toward me. "The American pitmaster does not sleep for sixteen hours. He sits by the fire in the dark. He guards the meat like a castle." I said, "Sir, it is just a barbecue." He slammed his hand on the desk. "This is not cooking," he said. "This is a vigil." Last Saturday was our annual company picnic by the river in Kanagawa. Normally, we grill thin meat and yakisoba for two hours and go home at 2:00 PM. I arrived at 9:30 AM to help set up. Director Sato was already there. I want to be accurate here: he had been sitting in a folding chair since 10:00 PM on Friday night. He was wearing a towel around his head and staring at a massive black barrel smoker he had imported from Oklahoma. Inside I said: THIS MAN HAS ABANDONED CORPORATE LIFE FOR THE SMOKE. When we tried to help him, he held up a pair of metal tongs and clicked them twice. "Step back," he said calmly. "The stall has begun. Nobody opens the lid." Twelve Japanese accountants stood in complete silence around a barrel for four more hours. Nobody dared to eat a single noodle until he gave the signal. At 1:45 PM, he sliced the meat. It fell apart on the cutting board. My boss looked at the pink smoke ring, nodded once, and wiped a single tear from his cheek. He has already submitted an official budget request for a trailer smoker for next fiscal year.

gm just quit my job because my boss threatened to “kick the shit out of me” how’s everyone else’s Monday going?

Gave all the kids that trick or treated last night at my house zyns. Gave a 13 year old a peach one and he said damn unc has exotics. Sure do, kid!

Asking my wife to pump me up before work:

Weekend vibes.

Logging on to Linkedin and commenting who cares on every post.

From 2010 to 2025 I worked third shift at a plant that made bathtubs. I ate beans and rice six nights a week. The seventh night was rice and beans, for variety. I drank a 40 oz King Cobra every morning at 7 a.m. on a lawn chair with one working leg, and I want to be clear: that was the best lawn chair I have ever owned. My wife hates me. She has hated me since the Obama administration. She smokes two packs of Pall Malls a day and has told me, on the record, that she’ll outlive me out of pure contempt. I believe her. She is the most reliable thing in my life and the closest thing I have to a moat. So when the market drops 40% and a guy on CNBC with a $3,000 haircut says “capitulation,” I don’t feel fear. I feel nostalgia. You can’t scare a man with poverty when poverty is where he had his best years. The worst case of every position I own is a return to the King Cobra lifestyle, and frankly I’ve been eyeing the lawn chair. That’s the whole secret of deep value. The guys in Palo Alto can’t hold a stock at 3x earnings for two years because they’ve never once been broke. They’ve never had to decide between gas and groceries and chosen the cheaper beans. One red quarter and they’re selling at the bottom and posting about “mental health.” Meanwhile my stocks have looked like my toilet bowl after a heavy night of Mexican food and drinking. My wife says I’m an idiot. She’s said that since 2012. She’s been wrong for fifteen years and smoked through every one of them. Go ahead and tell me about your stop-loss, hoss. Tell it to a man who spent fifteen years molding bathtubs he couldn’t afford to sit in and called it the good old days. Panic-sell your position at the bottom in front of third shift at the tub plant. Try that in a small town, hoss.