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My mind is the live studio audience forced to think I'm hilarious...forever. I’m mediocre at ukulele but very good at crying. Birds are my new thing. she/her

Chicago
Joined June 2014
Photo by bananafanafofisa (@lisaxy424)Photo by bananafanafofisa (@lisaxy424)Photo by bananafanafofisa (@lisaxy424)Photo by bananafanafofisa (@lisaxy424)Photo by bananafanafofisa (@lisaxy424)Photo by bananafanafofisa (@lisaxy424)Photo by bananafanafofisa (@lisaxy424)Photo by bananafanafofisa (@lisaxy424)Photo by bananafanafofisa (@lisaxy424)
It doesn't matter how old you get, buying snacks for a road trip should always look like an unsupervised 9-year-old was given $100.
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It’s weird to call a pet your fur baby. I think of myself as their skin parent.
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bananafanafofisa retweeted
feeling bad today. let me unwind by spending a couple hours on my Feeling Worse machine
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At this point, I don't want to cook dinner, order dinner, or spend twenty minutes discussing dinner. I want food to appear in front of me like I'm a beloved elderly cat.
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chicago marie illinois why is it 90 degrees when i am trying to make SOUP
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Hate when I go to someone else’s house and there’s not a cat there. Why do you even have a house
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I think it’s time to start eating the rich because everything else has salmonella, listeria, E. coli, or glass in it.
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everything used to be 20 dollars and now that i finally have 20 dollars everything is now 200 dollars
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Kids today will never know that before the internet, we sat down on Sunday nights to watch Bob Saget host TikTok on television
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If you’re wondering how close I fell from the tree…my 70-year-old mom has zero travel plans but is panic-renewing her passport now so she “doesn’t get stuck with the one with Trump’s busted face on it.”
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*Tries to fold fitted sheet one million times with no success* *Watches YouTube video tutorial* Ahhhh, okay I got it now… *Tries to fold fitted sheet one million times with no success* *Watches YouTube video tutorial* Ahhhh, okay I got it now… *Tries to fold fitted sh—-
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having an out of money experience
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If we’re taking sides… I’m on the side of the Pope. And I’m an atheist.
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do u think the moon was happy to see another girl up there
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when people read my tweets
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String of words your grandpa lets out when he stubs his toe
Whaler made scrimshawed whale ivory Sea Horse pie crimper, circa 1850
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terrifying to think that with a suitable covering of synthetic skin, these machines could convincingly pass for any number of US senators and congress members
Russia unveiled its new humanoid robot, AIdol, in Moscow and it immediately collapsed👏🏼
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Are you sleeping in heavenly peace with other bitches yes or no
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How long it takes me to accomplish one simple task.
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it’s the perfect time of year to focus on my indoor hobbies like lying down in a dark room and feeling insane
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