MATT RUBY

I tell a lot of non-comedians “you should write that down” after they say something good. I assume everyone wants to capture wild/interesting/funny things that originate organically. I guess some people just want to live their lives though lol.

Then: sex, drugs, and rock n roll Now: incels, disorders, and k-pop karaoke

Perfect way to swipe from Zohran since Waffle House is the white man's halal cart.

L: PDF file, R: PDF file attachment

Knicks to Dolan: Shut up and own

I have a junk drawer. But instead of a drawer, it's my body and instead of junk, it's trauma.

But there are so many ugly people out there. It can't be THAT insaneeeee...

The best diss track beef exchange ever was Neil Young's "Southern Man" leading to Skynyrd's "Sweet Home Alabama." Two absolutely classic tracks.

...owning that beat onstage, not crumbling. You can just see when somebody’s taking a beat versus when somebody is spiraling in their head." Full interview with @AdeleCarollo here: funnyhow.substack.com/p/how-…

What does booker at NYC comedy club @TheStandNYC look for? Calmness. "The pros have a certain level of calmness about them. Being grounded, thinking about what you’re saying, connecting. Not looking nervous, looking comfortable, not minding if there’s a pause, taking a beat..."

Short king, eh? Look, we use the word "king" to describe things that everyone knows are bad and unpopular. No one ever has to say, "He's a 6'3" king." That'd just be repetitive. And I say this as a "bald king."

The group that shoulda been most offended by Andrew Dice Clay's act was Italians. That voice was total paisan appropriation.

Starting over with new material. "How does that feel?" Liberating and also uncomfortable cuz it means not doing as well. Ya can either keep killing with old or bombing with new...so the trick is to try to find the right middle ground for a bit until the new can carry the day.

Given his friendship with Epstein, Donald Trump was the original PDF file attachment.

The people are starting to catch up

The great thing about Spirit Airlines going out of business is it means the end of jokes that use Spirit Airlines as the punchline.

Billy Corgan met his wife when she was 19!? Outrageous. Her frontal cortex wasn’t even fully formed yet. 🧠 #comedian #standup #comedy #agegap #billycorgan

A pretty gal eating prosciutto is char-cute-rie.

When fear and trauma go to battle with envy and humiliation, the only solution is compassion. And sadly, we ran out of that a while ago.