Saturninebear サターナインベアー

You’ve gotta admire Bibi Netanyahu. Every time he’s in trouble, he comes up with something atrocious to get him off the hook. You’ll be pleasantly surprised to hear that his latest devious plot didn’t even involve killing anyone. Yes, you read that right! With just four weeks until election day, Bibi stared into his crystal ball and predicted that a major attack was coming. You’ll never guess what happened the next day: one of Israel’s mortal enemies hijacked an airliner to help boost him in the polls. Isn’t it lovely when Muslims and Jews put aside their differences to work together? Now I apologise if I get anything wrong here because the story is changing every five seconds, but the latest one goes something like this: An Israeli was going to the toilet on the plane when he heard a fight in the cockpit. He notified the staff, but unfortunately the plane started falling out of the sky. Ordinary people would cry their eyes out, but Israelis are not normal people. Half of the passengers whipped out their phones and started filming while they were in freefall. Their faith is so strong that they knew they weren’t gonna die. The reinforced cockpit door mysteriously opened and a bunch of air hostesses stormed the cockpit. They bravely took down the hijacker co-pilot who was armed with an axe. Most air hostesses would be useless in this situation, but the Israeli air hostesses took this fucker down without taking a scratch. They’re all basically GI Jane. The captain had been hacked with the axe, but he was still breathing because he’s also super hard. Naturally, they sat him in a chair and wiped him down. That’s the correct medical procedure for someone who’s been hacked multiple times with an axe. While all this was going on, a heroic plumber took control of the joystick and stabilised the plane, using skills that he learnt from watching Air Crash Investigation. He was so confident in his skills that he was ready to fly all the way to someone else’s home, but thankfully he didn’t need to. A couple of passengers suddenly remembered they are off-duty pilots and kindly took control of the plane. It safely landed in Saudi Arabia and everyone cheered, but then they groaned when they realised they were in Saudi Arabia. Thankfully, they’re back in the promised land now. The first thing they wanted to do when they stepped off then plane was hug Netanyahu in front of cameras. The Israeli prime minister was so ready for this moment that he instantly knew the hijacker was a jihadist trained in Iran. He announced this important detail, expecting the world to celebrate the heroes who staved off another 9/11. Unfortunately, no one believed him and the whole internet kept saying “false flag” so he’s now backed away from the Iran claims. Personally, I’m disgusted that people are accusing Israel of another false flag, just because that’s what it’s done again. Just know that those antisemites don’t matter. What’s important is that Bibi’s ratings went up by six points, increasing the likelihood that he’ll avoid jail for letting October 7 happen.