c🦃rn

esther's riding her scooter around the street hockey rink while a guy in the bleachers watches naruto on his phone at full volume

a funny thing about kids is that they don't give a shit about the things you say until you turn into a game. then they're like "all right fucker, let's go, maybe i will brush my teeth. in order to kill you"

any coastal elites stranded in denver are welcome to stay in our spare room as long as you cook dinner and do bedtime

spelling bean

does this work

sitting next to a guy who speaks exactly like george mcfly

i could really use $10,000 rn

im getting the feeling that everyone i know is more medicated than me, so ive booked an appointment with a psychiatrist bc im jealous

today i could tell how long it had been since i last picked up my guitar bc i had to redownload the tuner app on my phone. but i tuned it anyway and sang a song, so sucks to your ass-mar

i was reading my book, and well into it, but the glasgow bailie made some moral argument with reference to rehoboam, and i couldn't help but think of "the bridal feast of beth chedruharazzeb," the single funniest phrase in the english language

at his birthday party, when bilbo says, "this is the end," i can't help but say, "the end of high prices!"

instead of reading something cool like everyone else i have decided to read four of sir walter scott's waverly novels

im thinking i give the aging indie dork vibe another two years tops. start wearing chinos or something

in honor of it being my birthday, i have decided to turn 39

just thought about esther for a sec and it made me cry. she's in the other room