Emily

"Gonna go to Pensacola, gonna fuck my way through college"

Me: I'm not gonna smoke today. Me two hours later: good god I Have to smoke

Lord knows it's hard to stay #sober

"Or are all penises just snakes without brains?" -- @natataliep

A snake is just a penis with a brain

Forgot what it felt like to have my ovaries purge themselves #crimsonwave

I think gauging my eye out with a Lego piece would be less painful than watching the Lego Batman movie

Just saw Real Life tumbleweed blowing in the wind #lifecomplete #NewMexico

@WellsFargo o please make your downtown building in Albuquerque make colors again 😏 l

"I'm covered in peanut butter, and not in a sexual way"

This month-long detox from drugs and alcohol makes me need a joint

Hour long layover in Phoenix = 🍻 @SusieSchmank

@SouthwestAir actually had amazing service for once in STL with agents Roxie and Darcie #queens #TheFutureIsFemale

Any time a sentence calls for "while," I prefer to use "whilst" to make myself sound more sophisticated

I get really excited when I can use all three forms of silverware in one meal #Fork #Knife AND #Spoon

Transition lenses have been spotted on one of the twirlers #EatSleepTwirl

Quote from TLC show Twirl Life: "The morale is SHIT" --they're eight year olds...

Dad in the @CHANEL store: "if you would have told me 30 years ago I would be spending 3K on a purse, I would tell you you're out of ur mind"

The jackass frat boys I met at @JohnPFields last night made me remember why I fuck with myself more than anybody else

Went to brunch place #1; out of champagne so we leave. Get to bunch place #2; have mimosas but out of fries. Debating leaving...