Rusty Harden

“I don’t know why they call this stuff Hamburger Helper, it does just fine by itself. I like it better than Tuna Helper myself, don’t you Clark?”

The top knob was for the three or four channels your giant antenna actually brought in. The bottom knob was for entertaining yourself with machine gun sound effects.

Whenever a Cars song comes on the radio I feel like the odds of something awesome happening to me increase by like 400% …

I believed Curly Neal was a superhero in 1979 and I still believe it.

I’m 54 years old and if I pass one of these displays there is at least a 54% chance I’m pulling a ball out and dribbling it right there in the store.

He’s got a long way to mow and a short time to get there …

When I was a kid if a dog ran up and started barking everyone immediately assumed the dog wanted to lead them to the scene of an emergency. And they were right like 53% of the time. Dogs this generation have really slipped.

The NFL will always look like this in my heart.

Throw up a hand if you remember getting your high school textbooks and immediately checking to see who had each one the year before you. When it was a popular person, that was always a good omen. Instant karma boost.

We had low expectations and this far exceeded them.