He might have punctured our football, but we're still having a crack at a game of heads and volleys. We're still managing to amuse ourselves, and he's still watching on, bare mad that he sucks at it.

The only way I'd end up agreeing to Arsenal away in October is if I was pissed. Really enthusiastic pissed. That time of night you commit to a weekend in Dubrovnik with someone you met 20 minutes prior.

I know there's a lot of disposable income flowing through Bristol uni, but that does not account for four Barcelonas worth of Ketamine. – at Manchester, England

I find the price of coffins and ashes caskets profane. We're literally burning one and burying the other. I want a fancy funeral, but do not pay for any form of container for me. Stick me in an old fridge so you don't have to pay the council for a large item collection. – at Manchester, England

There must be a kind of neural imprint of a successful Manchester United that we all developed at a suggestible age, and that is immutable, regardless of how much evidence you pelt it with.