I also think fixed releases make it more likely we'll take a moment to stop and celebrate what we've shipped. Instead of moving straight to the next feature and the next on loop until we die

I think this is spot on. My stream of consciousness on this as a guy who went from 'I'm not attractive & it's not safe to ask women out' to being pretty comfortable asking women out: I don't know exactly what formed my villain origin story. I was rejected by the first few girls I was interested in as a teenager… nothing super traumatic, just enough to instil a belief that I'm not attractive or not good at this. The rejections were emotionally painful, of course, and growing up I'd learnt that emotions were to be avoided, so it became better to not show interest. I also remember a lot of teasing from family members for being attracted to people generally. Either way, by the time I was dating as an adult it didn't feel safe to ask someone out or make a move unless I was 99% sure they were already interested in me. Which is a terrible strategy for dating. Eventually I decided to be intentional about improving that aspect of my life, and shifting what I could intellectually see was an inaccurate script that women were never interested in me. Which inevitably means I found myself down the pickup artist rabbit hole. Fortunately this was _after_ I'd started down the self-discovery rabbit hole, so I was approaching it all with a somewhat solid sense of my own values and integrity. There was a lot of advice in the pickup world that felt manipulative and dishonest, but it was clear to me to stay away from that. Yet the whole sell is so compelling, I can totally see how guys find themselves following it all. What stood out to me, though, was that if I nudged the shadier aspects to one side there was also this really incredible inner work weaved through the teachings. Dissolving shame. Shifting beliefs. Authenticity coaching. Meditation. Like with most endevours of this type, the most effective (and least taught) way to approach it isn't to learn what to do; it's to _unlearn_ the conditioning, the stories, the beliefs, so that your natural self and natural confidence can shine through. Developing a more internal sense of self-worth, so that someone rejecting you is closer to "Oh, cool, a mismatch." It's nothing personal. And for me a lot of that required embracing my masculine side without shame. Courage, leading, decisiveness. As much as these things can be taught in a performative way, there's a cleaner version that's just connecting with those existing (suppressed) aspects in yourself. You become more comfortable being you, that radiates outwards, and women feel more comfortable around you, just being you. I remember dating a woman a few years ago, after I'd worked through a lot of my dating hangups. When I first met her at a party I asked her out, and she declined because she was seeing someone else. All good. A couple of months later, that ended, and she circled back, and we dated. She later told me that two other guys had asked her out at that same party, but they'd done it vaguely, and when she'd declined they'd totally backtracked it being a romantic ask. The reason she'd been interested in me was that I didn't backtrack. I owned that I was interested, without shame. I think owning our own truth is such a big part of this. Which is _so simple_. And yet not easy, if like many of us you grew up learning that anyone else's truth matters more than your own.

Withholding your wants, not speaking up, “for the good of the group/team/family/company”, is counter-productive for you AND for them

If you’re being altruistic/selfless because someone told you you had to be even when you didn’t want to be, you’re denying your self-interested part You end up with internal war. Self-criticism. There’s no autonomy

I just got back from a self-development retreat and it was one of the most powerful weekends of my life. Dissolved so much deep stuff that had been holding me back for 20+ years. Feeling blessed