You found me like the tide finds a hidden cove.

Me when I get a recipe off the internet: “Ha! Fuck no. Imma add this, remove this, increase this, decrease that, add, add, add, ok it’s mine now.”

I'm pretty sure I'm the human equivalent of "I know better, but......."

Swipe left. Save yourself.

What would it be like to date me? About the same as adopting a wild raccoon I suppose.

I'm the whole package. If that package got dropped in transit, kicked down a flight of stairs, torn at by a rabid dog and left in the rain.

I could make your life interesting. Not better. Just interesting.

You had me at "questionable."

Is he still alive? Fuck.

Good morning! Another beautiful day to pretend I know what I'm doing.

I would leave a legacy, but it's more fun to leave confused witnesses.

Some people bloom where they are planted, and here I am on gravel.

Rock bottom with a basement and an HOA.

Some people lose their train of thought. Some have their train go off the rails. Mine has left the station.

This meal needs to calm the hell down.

Aging is a privilege. But also, fuck!

Every day is a gift. However, some days have me looking for the return counter!

The older I get the more my facial expressions become public statements.

Fun fact: science doesn’t change just because one anecdotal story differs in some way from the proven facts 😂 the science illiteracy in this country is staggering!

The audacity of Monday to show up uninvited.

I think my guardian angel requested a transfer.