cointrees (football hater)

Building the ideal NFL roster based entirely on their relationship situation: QB: Married to an above-average looking woman he met before he was famous. Attractive, supportive, but not Madison Beer hot. QB1 cannot have distractions. RB: Knocked up his college girlfriend sophomore year. Still with her. 3 kids. Rumored mistress that everyone in the organization knows about but nobody discusses. May have one domestic violence charge that got dropped. WR1: Completely single. Zero responsibilities. Following 4,700 women on Instagram. Let him cook. WR2: Dating an Instagram model with 800k followers. Relationship is extremely toxic. Somehow this makes him better. Slot WR: White guy married to a beautiful mid blonde. Golden retriever. Two kids. Lives 12 minutes from the facility. Automatic on 3rd & 7. TE: Dating a famous actress/singer who gets shown during every broadcast. Annoying but necessary for team morale. LT/RT: Married to high school sweethearts. Southern women. Three kids minimum. Own homes on 5+ acres. Absolutely zero nightlife. Guards: Also married. Wives are best friends. Joint family vacations every offseason. Center: Has been with the same woman since 8th grade. She packs his lunch. WR3: Single, but not famous enough to pull WR1 numbers. Gets the girls WR1 stopped responding to. Kicker: Wife is inexplicably a 10. Nobody understands how he did it. Punter: You have literally no idea if he has ever spoken to a woman. This team goes 14-3.