Annette Sweeney

I never understand those people who are late and say “hope I haven’t kept you waiting long!” Well, we said we’d meet at 9am and it’s now 9.23am, so you’ve kept me waiting 23 minutes. It’s quite easy to work out.

Cheap sunglasses: - Bombproof - With you for life - Could throw them in the ocean from a plane and they’d make their way home Expensive sunglasses: - Either lost or sat on and crushed within a week of purchase

“It’s a bloody nightmare” Meaning: Something is proving a mild inconvenience; typically used to describe slightly heavy traffic, or the internet not working “It’s not ideal” Meaning: Something terrible has happened and life is almost certainly ruined

I don’t know how to stress this enough to the culprits, but when you look at an item on a supermarket shelf, your trolley does not need to turn out across the whole aisle at the same time. I will continue to try to communicate this knowledge by tutting quietly and imperceptibly shaking my head as I squeeze by, and perhaps muttering “unbelievable” when I’m a safe distance away.