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*** SUICIDE TRAGEDY: TWENTY-SEVEN-YEAR-OLD MAN WITH ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION *** This is the story of a young man's suicide, as told by his friend. I have used the pseudonym "Tom" to protect the grief-stricken family's identity. "This is going to be my personal interpretation of one of my best friends, 'Tom'. We were childhood friends from a very early age. My mom and his mom were friends and were pregnant at the same time. "When Tom was young he was a very hyperactive child. Early on in his school life, certain teachers pushed to put him on medications. Luckily, his parents never did that. Tom was a very intelligent and athletic person. "I would say for most of his life he struggled emotionally and he always confided in me to give him support. You could say I am an empathic type of person. I often soak up other's emotional problems and give them support. At the same time though, sometimes I would take on too much responsibilities for others and reap consequences for being too involved (you empaths know what I'm talking about). "Anyways, as kids we were always hanging out at each other's homes. We would play video games and ping pong. As we got older, we went it high school and got separated for a while. Tom was slowly growing up and pursued academic and athletic endeavors. I got heavily into drugs in high school and had my own problems. Tom was popular in high school, had girlfriends, and was a star tennis player and water polo player. Things seemed to be going all too well for him. "His dad was a doctor and his mom was a good saleswoman making good money. It was the family that seemingly had it all. "Tom had aced high school as a straight A student and went to a top tier university to study biochemistry so he could eventually get into medicine. During this time, Tom got into fishing and became a highly skilled fishermen who could compete with the best. "In contrast to his school years, more and more issues started coming up for him. A women accused him of rape even though he never laid a hand on her. There was a school investigation into this, which affected him deeply. His friends supported him and no evidence was found against him, but it did cause some trauma. "He began to have more trouble with women and would notice problems with his sexuality coming up. There were days Tom would call me crying because of social issues he was having. One day in particular, after he was partying, he broke his arm and was really struggling. It brought out all the social group issues and concerns he had to the surface. The pressures of higher education, the social, and sexual problems were starting to really weigh on him. "He began to date a woman and fell in love with her. I knew that he wanted to be with her, but as they were graduating and moving on, Tom was having trouble truly expressing his feelings for her. "I always wanted to spend more time with him, but his school was not close to where I lived. Eventually, he graduated with his degree in biochemistry and he came back home to live with his parents. During this time, I spent a lot of days with him. This was the worst state I ever saw him in. He was clearly very depressed and not in tip top physical shape as he once was in high school. "I could tell he wasn't taking care of himself physically or mentally. He was smoking a lot of weed and struggling with his next steps in life. He didn't want to become a doctor and he really had no desires of getting a job with his biochemistry degree. I was worried about him to say the least. As usual, he continued to confide in me with his struggles, unable to get out of his own mind of depression and anxiety and listen to what others have to say. "I tried to encourage him to relax and take time for himself before feeling rushed into the next phase of life. Before I knew it though, he said he applied for a new school. It was an academy specialized in mechanical engineering for ships. Fueled by his love for the ocean, I felt he thought this might be a better option for him. What I thought though, is that he needed more time to work on himself in peace. But I also figured he needed something to keep his mind busy. "He eventually got accepted to the school and off he went again. During this time, I moved to [South America] with my wife, as she was having major health issues and we were searching to resolve those issues. During the next year or two, we didn't talk much but kept in contact during holidays. Then about one year ago, my wife and I were traveling through Colombia. "Tom and I started talking every day. He messaged me educational material about circumcision. Eric Clopper's speech and American circumcision. I knew about circumcision from past research but didn't think too much of it. This was obviously a big issue for Tom. As I started to research more, it became increasingly more of a problem for me as well. At this point, Tom was calling me almost every night. We started playing some old video games again and that seemed to brighten our moods. Tom was clearly struggling more than ever, and I encouraged him to start taking care of himself. His education was almost over and I thought it was important he prioritized himself. "I invited him to come live with us for a while out in nature to try to deal with some things. He was dealing with sexual issues of erectile dysfunction and felt a big loss of confidence with women. Tom was in love with the woman from college that he met in his years in biochemistry. He still thought about her and missed her over the years. Tom still had feelings for her. Unfortunately, they went their own ways and never rekindled their relationship. Tom had a very hard time expressing himself to her and allowing vulnerabilities. He was insecure and did not feel worthy of her and the relationship. "His pride was pushing him on to succeed, but inside he was feeling a deep sense of hurt and inability to express himself. To this day, I know that he was meant to be with her if things would have been different. "I encouraged him to start restoration and get out of the U.S. for a while to meet some new people. Tom was only five months away from finishing his second degree. The pressures of life, the growing awareness of his sexual problems and circumcision were growing too much for him too bear. He harbored a deep depression for years with no relief, only getting worst, and he couldn't cope with it any longer. "Tom decided to take his own life. "He sent me one last email time stamped to the day after his death. A loving message of a deeply hurt individual. He never wanted to cause harm to others and wanted the best for his friends and family. "This event forever changed me and made me realize the importance of dealing with trauma. Childhood trauma between the ages of birth and age 5 are the most deep to deal with. Every year after that becomes less and less impactful on ones mind. Sexual abuse and rape as a newborn baby causes a deep psychological and physical trauma that needs to be dealt with sooner rather than later. "With circumcision rates as high as they are in the U.S., this problem has become a plague on our society, with people left with a deep feeling of loss and no one to turn to. Drugs are often the only escape for many having lost the most natural sense of well being as a man. "We need to be compassionate towards people and they need more comprehensive support in dealing with trauma as it is not a minor issue. We need to come to terms with what has happened to us. If a women was raped and tortured as an adult we would understand why she is behaving erratically and depressed. "Many men are struggling with similar issues with no understanding or help in sight, only ever increasing pressures of society put on their shoulders. How can we begin to fix a problem without first accepting that the problem is there to begin with. Denial is the emotion that only allows the cycle to continue. "We MUST do the self work of ACCEPTING our own trauma in order to stop the next generation from suffering the same trauma again. I was raped and mutilated as a baby. Taken away to a dark corner of a hospital strapped down while knives and clamps were put to my most precious sacred body part. Helpless and not able to do anything about it, having sugar stuffed in my mouth to ease the suffering. Physically and emotionally crushed before our lives have even begun, we stumble into adulthood with our only coping mechanism for pain to numb ourselves from it. "A good lesson taught to us at birth with sugar stuffed into our mouths as we suffer the worst pain of our whole lives. With no coping mechanisms and no support from family or society we are left to stoop ourselves into drugs and alcohol with no understanding or escape from a sense of violation in the deepest parts of our psyche. The most important lesson I take from this is WE AS A SOCIETY MUST DEAL WITH OUR TRAUMA... The only way to stop this cycle from repeating. "I love you brother. until we meet again." ~Tom's friend

#CIRCUMCISION : THE HIDDEN TRAUMA explores the physical, spiritual, and psychological damage of this cruel practice.