reece

My toddler loves Monsters Inc. especially Mike Wazowski. Yesterday I was in Walmart and came across this cool t-shirt. I immediately bought it, put it on in the car, and rushed home to show my toddler. I hunted her down as soon as I came through the door. She was sitting on the couch watching Hogi and eating Goldfish crackers. I said, ‘Libby check out my cool new shirt!’ I was beaming. I just knew she was gonna think my shirt was the coolest shit ever. She looked at me, looked at my shirt, scoffed, and yelled, ‘GO AWAY!’ Listen. I don’t think we talk enough about what huge pieces of shit toddlers are. That’s literally my TV you are watching. I paid for those Goldfish crackers. That’s my fucking couch. I bought this cool t-shirt ONLY because of you. And this is your response you f#ggot piece of sh!t?? You are wearing a shirt with a turtle on it that says, ‘Turtley Adorable’ you fuck!ng idiot. You are broke. Homeless. Have poor life skills. You can’t even fucking speak English. You are basically a Somali immigrant only brighter in complexion and with much less forehead mass. I’ll wipe my ass with this shirt. Fuck this shirt. Bitch nigga. Your mom is fat.