@Lars759

Dad of boi

Joined June 2021
  • Tweets20.6K
  • Following184
  • Followers295
1.3KMedia
My french wife is on her period and just asked for chocolate on a baguette
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"Not officially"
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You ever crack your back so good it feels like God just kissed you and gave you a pat on the head?
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Try to guess the context of this
MJ
@morganisawizardOct 8
Replying to @morganisawizard
we can’t bird if we aren’t safe.
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Wife just informed me she had a 'big poooooop.' Cause she's a patriot
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Sorry babe, the yellow armored cargo pants stay ON
Temu
@shoptemuSep 25
Discover a variety of items on Temu, featuring unbeatable deals you won't want to miss

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Explained the Cornell case to my wife. "That doesn't make sense. She changed her story? ....She should be in jail." Based
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"What?? What are you, North Korea?" Random woman on her phone. Cooked his ass maam
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When her ass makes your offspring wise, but you unwise
Carnivore Aurelius ©🥩 ☀️🦙
@AlpacaAureliusSep 27
Guys are attracted to a big butt is because it's full of the fatty acid DHA which goes to babies brains to produce smarter offspring
Readers added context they thought people might want to know
This oversimplifies a 2008 observational study on waist-hip ratio (small correlations with cognitive scores, not causation or "big butt" size) and a Daily Mail headline; research links buttock attraction more to lumbar curvature than gluteofemoral DHA stores. sciencedirect.com/science/articl… sciencedirect.com/science/articl… dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/ar… snopes.com/fact-check/oxf…
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This is probably the greatest unintentional self own I've ever seen
p@huskiesplswinSep 25
Replying to @huskiesplswin @hasanthehun
like black americans are still hundreds of years behind white americans in terms or having freedom and gaining wealth and such
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Crazy to see modern dental techniques visible in a relic Also I didn't know non-saints could have relics. (He should be recognized as a saint)
Raymond Arroyo
@RaymondArroyoSep 24
The relic of Blessed Fulton Sheen was just presented at the Beatification Ceremony in St. Louis. It is the Archbishop’s jawbone. Fulton Sheen, Pray for us.
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The enemy stand user could be anyone
horse dentist
@equine__dentistSep 22
miss idaho’s costume actually goes insanely hard
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"Please don't hurt me again. I will obey now." -the vidya game my wife is playing
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Bro are you fucking kidding? David has psalms recorded in the bible praising God for preparing his fingers for war. This is borderline pagan
Christopher Hale
@ChristopherHaleSep 20
“Jesus doesn’t hear the prayers of those who wage war.” — Pope Leo XIV
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Truly the question of our age
Wylfċen
@wylfcenSep 17
Replying to @SubstantialFog
Are women a fetish
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Spent about half the day making faces at each other with my son
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Son-shine
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Fuck, I love modern art now
Wæs 🎃@watchingspiralsSep 8
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I sometimes get these weird recurring visuals or phrases in my head. They're almost like prophecies that make no sense in the moment. I try to make sense of them subconsciously by constructing little stories around them
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"And no one will ever harm us." Repeated over and over again as a man and woman reach out for an embrace, over and over again, like a loop replaying the happiest moment of their lives
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My hope is that somehow, retroactively, as they often do, this vision will apply to me and my wife. That's my prayer
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