MG

Jesus Christ: The ultimate nepo baby. #Jesus #PalmSunday #HolyWeek2023 #Christianity

I'm convinced that my mom is on the prayer line just to get hot church gossip. #Catholic

For the love of God, don't rhetorically ask me "what are the odds?" Cuz I'll get out my fucking calculator.

Hair is essentially strings that constantly grow out of our head.

If I close my eyes, I can't differentiate between Peppa Pig and Call The Midwife. #peppapig #callthemidwife #bbc

What percentage of non-mask-wearers willingly wear a Klan's hood? #MasksOn

When that swab went into my upper sinus cavity, the space time continuum halted and God himself told me that he was not real. #COVID19 #CovidTesting

Aftermath is advanced word problems.

I thought my husband left me today and I was so pissed he didn't take one of the children.

After a Zoom cocktail party, I like to drive around the block so that I can still feel alive. #drunkdriving #justkidding

My husband told our kid, "you're the type of child who'd turn her parents into the Gestapo." She's 3. He's right. @toombsday

The evidence is mounting that I am dead and this is hell.

Ready to risk my life just to escape my family confinement.

Your quarantine groceries are gonna give you diabetes. #COVID19

Quarantine must be the "for worse" I agreed to.

Can't wait to get back to uncovered coughs and sneezes.

Social distancing is how I got through years of depression. This handwashing thing, on the other hand (pun 'tended) is new and drying.

How to parent two kids: hold one and yell threats at the other.

Santa's blood glucose levels hit record high. #diabetes

I just gave Gus a sweet potato to occupy him whilst I powdered my nose. #secondbaby