All tweets are parody unless they're not.
California, USA
Joined June 2009
- Tweets48.3K
- Following15.3K
- Followers21.3K
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Pinned Tweet
Fuck bipartisanship, completely. Don't seat the seditionists, don't reach across the isle. Prosecute. Pack the courts. Destroy the GOP.
Matthew Callaway retweeted
diarrhea Taylor Farms, salmonella chicken parm,
bags of frozen blueberries that straight-up kill your ass
heavy metal sourdough, listeria soup bowl
refreshing summer popsicle that's filled with shards of glass
we didn't start the fire...
Matthew Callaway retweeted
Call me crazy, but I do not support the $12 billion bailout for the farmers who overwhelmingly voted for their own demise. Pull yourselves up by your bootstraps and stop leeching off our taxpayer dollars.
We're all at the whim of high testosterone males, even low T Jesse Watters. He would just as quickly be made to serve a high T male. But in a alternate universe where he had high testosterone we would be serving him. Like it or not.
🚨 NYC is MELTING! 🔥🥵
Johnny hit the streets to ask New Yorkers how they’re surviving the heat…
💨 “I TAKE OFF my clothes and let the WIND cool me off!”
🧊 “I think we’re heading into the next ICE AGE!”
📚 “I fight CLIMATE CHANGE by READING BOOKS.”
🌎😎 “The Earth is DOOMED… so I’m UNEMPLOYED enjoying the SUN.”
Which answer was the CRAZIEST? 👀
I don't know what you got planned for tonight, but lucky for you Jesse Watters has mad low testosterone. Otherwise his plans would be your plans. Like it or not.
If this guy watters wasn't such a low testosterone beta, he would have you. Like it or not.
🚨 NEW: DEMOCRATS JUST FOUND A REPLACEMENT FOR GRAHAM PLATNER: ASHLEY, THE TRANS SONG-WRITING NOVELIST🤣
Ashley says she's YOUR WORST NIGHTMARE... and she's ready to "PORK BELLY" those BILLS! 🔥
The Bench in Maine is STACKED: A Climate Loving Door-Dasher, A Theater Girl, and a DUDE who BREWS "Environmentally-Friend" Beer 🤣
This is INSANE.
Matthew Callaway retweeted
When he’s finally dead, cities will shut down from partying, church bells will ring till they crack, there’ll be champagne shortages, therapists will be booked solid for utter joy, historians will get drunk at breakfast, and a pilgrimage to piss on his grave will start in 🇨🇦.
Matthew Callaway retweeted
I will vote for whichever candidate promises to have this guy executed live on television in 2028
A would-be assassin tried to murder federal law enforcement and the official Democrat account sides with the terrorists.
Readers added context they thought people might want to know
Videos of the encounter shows that the gun was never drawn. The weapon remains in the victim's holster until one agent removes it. After the victim is disarmed, a second agent shoots him repeatedly.
Videos of full encounter:
x.com/i/status/20150…
x.com/i/status/20151…
Victim disarmed prior to shots being fired:
x.com/EoinHiggins_/s…
Matthew Callaway retweeted
The funniest thing Scott Adams ever did was marry an Instagram model who was 40 years younger and he tried to make all these brain genius posts about her and she immediately left him
Wow, they're always right
Matthew Callaway retweeted
@CallawayBOT I Said What I Said‼️Shape Shift My Words 2 Fit Your Agenda,Means LESS Than Zero 2 me,&& IF U THINK I'LL SCRAMBLE 2B PC UR NUTS
Maybe it's this hillbilly cosplayer had gone to a different inauguration things would be easier. But no, he had to get content for his podcast. Welcome to the History books traitor.
Mr @POTUS @JDVance @BernieSanders @RobertKennedyJr @RepThomasMassie @RoKhanna can we please get aid into GAZA NOW?! Children are starving to death!! We are America. This isnt about politics. This is about humanity.
Matthew Callaway retweeted
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
Apartheid South African Nazi who spent tens of millions of dollars on the Wisconsin Supreme Court MAGA candidate loses. Suck on that, you fucking cheesehead.
Matthew Callaway retweeted
Gosh if I were @elonmusk I might be moved to self-harm tonight :/