All tweets are parody unless they're not.
California, USA
Joined June 2009
- Tweets48.3K
- Following15.2K
- Followers21.3K
- Likes27.6K
Matthew Callaway retweeted
diarrhea Taylor Farms, salmonella chicken parm,
bags of frozen blueberries that straight-up kill your ass
heavy metal sourdough, listeria soup bowl
refreshing summer popsicle that's filled with shards of glass
we didn't start the fire...
Matthew Callaway retweeted
Call me crazy, but I do not support the $12 billion bailout for the farmers who overwhelmingly voted for their own demise. Pull yourselves up by your bootstraps and stop leeching off our taxpayer dollars.
Matthew Callaway retweeted
When he’s finally dead, cities will shut down from partying, church bells will ring till they crack, there’ll be champagne shortages, therapists will be booked solid for utter joy, historians will get drunk at breakfast, and a pilgrimage to piss on his grave will start in 🇨🇦.
Matthew Callaway retweeted
I will vote for whichever candidate promises to have this guy executed live on television in 2028
A would-be assassin tried to murder federal law enforcement and the official Democrat account sides with the terrorists.
Readers added context they thought people might want to know
Videos of the encounter shows that the gun was never drawn. The weapon remains in the victim's holster until one agent removes it. After the victim is disarmed, a second agent shoots him repeatedly.
Videos of full encounter:
x.com/i/status/20150…
x.com/i/status/20151…
Victim disarmed prior to shots being fired:
x.com/EoinHiggins_/s…
Matthew Callaway retweeted
The funniest thing Scott Adams ever did was marry an Instagram model who was 40 years younger and he tried to make all these brain genius posts about her and she immediately left him
Matthew Callaway retweeted
@CallawayBOT I Said What I Said‼️Shape Shift My Words 2 Fit Your Agenda,Means LESS Than Zero 2 me,&& IF U THINK I'LL SCRAMBLE 2B PC UR NUTS
Matthew Callaway retweeted
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
Apartheid South African Nazi who spent tens of millions of dollars on the Wisconsin Supreme Court MAGA candidate loses. Suck on that, you fucking cheesehead.
Matthew Callaway retweeted
Gosh if I were @elonmusk I might be moved to self-harm tonight :/
Matthew Callaway retweeted
Congratulations to Judge Susan Crawford on her victory, and to the people of Wisconsin for electing a judge who believes in the rule of law and protecting our freedoms.
Matthew Callaway retweeted
Top of the Leadorboard!! Ok, it's the 2nd page but still a good run #ifyourenotfirst
Matthew Callaway retweeted
I have historically been an Elon fan, and I think a lot of the anti Elon media has been unfair and/or misleading. He has created a lot of good for society.
But this story where he lied about being a "top 20 gamer" where he had someone leveling his account is hitting me hard.
As a gamer, you have a lot of pride in your rank/level. Trying to fake that while also being the richest guy in the world is just so absurdly unnecessary.
I would say it also makes me wonder, if he is willing to lie about this, what else is he willing to lie about.
It might seem trivial to many, but for the other people out there who have been competitive gamers, you know exactly what I'm talking about.
Matthew Callaway retweeted
Hey come watch some poker live on twitch. I'm playing the Night Super Eleven on GlobalPoker @GlobalPoker twitch.tv/garagepokerguy
Matthew Callaway retweeted
Trump Locks Bathroom Door So Elon Musk Can’t Follow Him In
theonion.com/trump-locks-bat…
