This exists

Just put in the nice tree swing. Can't wait for the fucking spring

@msdanifernandez can't touch this cuteness. No seriously, he bites...

Won't you please, won't you please, Please won't you be my neighbor?

Getting email requests for me to do shit like...

Don't make me stop this car and whoop dat ass

Need a special gift for that special someone? These exist and come in fun pink and formal black

My neighborhood pool has zero kids

Any mosquito within 3 miles has and will bite me again. That's how sweet my bodily fluids are.

Pool's open for the summer y'all