I love the church - it's you Christians that make me bitter!
Chicago, IL
Joined July 2017
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Them: You didn’t come see me in the hospital.
Me: I didn’t know you were IN the hospital!
Them: I felt self-conscious and didn’t want to tell anyone.
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The Bitter Pastor retweeted
You know what now is NOT the time for, church folks? Pointing out tech errors in your pastor’s videos as they tirelessly work, without a day off, on something they have absolutely no training in.
In order to prevent your family from thinking you’re psycho, make sure they know you ordered ashes FOR 100 people and not ashes OF 100 people.
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#TrueStory
My favorite part after preaching is hearing people say how meaningful points I didn’t actually make were to them.
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It’s a gradually building phenomenon, and tomorrow is the Sunday we finally sing ONLY Christmas songs in worship.
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Worship guy led Silent Night to close the service, once again reinforcing the idea that Jesus is looking down on us from the sky.
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Hmmm, it’s Friday afternoon. Guess it’s time to Google “free sermon ideas.” ~ too many American pastors
The Bitter Pastor retweeted
Join us for our door buster deals this Sunday starting at 8AM
Up to 60% off all specialty coffees
Up to 50% off deluxe pastries
And free donuts to the first 20 people through the door
You've never seen saving like this at church before!
Them: Pastor, why didn't you talk about Kanye today?
Me: Because this Sunday, as EVERY Sunday, the focus is Jesus.
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You’ve still got time tonight to plan your complaints for church tomorrow. Pastors always appreciate when people come prepared.
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If your booty is hanging out of your shorts in your avi pic, you’re gonna get blocked when you follow me.
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On this #NationalBoyfriendDay, just make sure to leave enough room between the two of you for the Holy Spirit.
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