@SleepEatScream

https://xitter.cf/t.co/x5qlUZk4g8

 🇨🇦
Joined June 2025
  • Tweets63K
  • Following626
  • Followers2K
300Media
You can’t change people and their crazy but you can definitely keep your distance from it.
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My Gen Z daughter heard Haggard playing in the background at a restaurant tonight and said “this is Merle, right?” and I’ve may have reached the pinnacle of fatherhood.
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I’m just ridin’ the waves now. I don’t have a plan, the plan has me.
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My stimulus package is a bag of coke.
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Shhhhhh… Do you hear it? I do believe that the hidden Halloween candy is calling my name.
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I dont like to brag but im really good at substance abuse
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Everyone deserves to be loved no matter the circumstances. ❤️
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You will never satisfy an ungrateful person.
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Making peace sometimes means flipping tables.
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Nachos are just tacos that fell apart but decided to keep partying anyway.
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This is my emotional support evening bowl of cookies 'n cream protein Cheerios.
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Jen retweeted
EmoG
@gmanwashere9271h
A gym I've never been to emailed to say they miss me. Nobody else has bothered.
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(during sex) i got your nose
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Jen retweeted
Destry@DestryBrod2h
You don't hear of good old fashioned basement sex dungeons anymore. And that's pretty sad in my opinion.
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Let me help you lose your mind
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Everything’s different and yet still the same.
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Jen retweeted
E~ville@E_Ville133h
We can dance if you'd like, but just so you know, I have two left feet in my trunk.
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Probably just give out fake IDs for Halloween again this year
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*Man inventing pockets in trousers* Women should never wield this kind of power.
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I was so down today and then my son said "dad, you'll always be my hero" and then I hugged him and cried and made up this totally fake tweet.
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Jen retweeted
Neil Parmesan@ktoab3h
When I was a child I'd wipe my fingers on my socks while eating Cheetos. As an adult I wipe my fingers on my socks while eating Cheetos.
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