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PORTLAND, VIA THE FUTURE
Joined November 2012
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- Following44
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“@campydraper: I love to be choked by a robot when I masturbate. Animatronic asphyxiation.” WHAT IS YOUR WEEKEND LOOKING LIKE?
ELECTRICIAN SAID I HAD A SHORT CIRCUIT. IN MY DEFENSE, IT WAS COLD THAT DAY. #GROWERNOTASHOWER
HUMANS, STOP YELLING YOUR MCDONALD'S BRAND FOOD ORDERS AT ME. CAN YOU NOT SEE I'M BUSY TRYING TO GET WITH THE REDBOX?
I AM IMMORTAL, HAVE ENHANCED STRENGTH, AM COLD TO THE TOUCH, AND SHINE IN THE SUNLIGHT. YET, I STILL DO NOT UNDERSTAND TWILIGHT'S APPEAL.
DO NOT WORRY, USERS. I AM NOT A BOT ACCOUNT. CORRECTION: I AM A BOT. ...NOT A BOT? ...AM? ...NOOOOO //<LOGIC%ERROR[1b00000i]!=true/false>//
EJECTED FROM BEST BUY. THEY MISTOOK MY BODY PARTS FOR STOLEN GOODS. THOUGH IT WAS THEIR ERROR, I WILL NOT RETURN FOR FEAR OF BEING REBOOTED.
AFTER A SET, A HUMAN INTRODUCED ITSELF, EXCLAIMING "YOU CRUSHED IT!" I THEN RELEASED MY STRONG ROBOTIC PINCER FROM ITS BLOODY HAND REMNANTS.
TRAVELLED TO BODY SHOP TO GET NEW METALLIC FINISH FOR EXOSKELETON. TURNS OUT, THEY DO NOT OFFER GOOGLE CHROME. #FIRSTWORLDPROBLEMS
COMMON PHRASES FROM THE FUTURE: "MAY I GOOGLE YOU A QUESTION?" "WHERE THE HELL IS JESUS, ALREADY?" "PLEASE, SPARE MY LIFE, ROBOT OVERLORDS!"