Try The Veal

my dog is performing a magic trick

My doctor is so young, he takes Wednesday's off to play miniature golf.

I ate 62 hot dogs today. I wasn't in an eating contest I was stoned.

My wife is cheating on me. She 3D printed a pool boy.

I'm a big thinker but I live in a tiny house.

ice cream trucks are meals on wheels for stoners

I'm not saying my dad is old but I called to wish him Happy Father's Day and I got a busy signal.

Taking down my indictment decorations.

My doctor told me to quit smoking weed. I thought about it and realized that after 25 plus years I should find a new doctor.

Putting up my indictment decorations

in case of emergency your pope can be used as a flotation device

the Chinese spy balloon lucky numbers are 4 11 3 22 8 65

I'll cook Thanksgiving dinner OR pick you up at the airport. But not both.

“Your order is on the way.” No it’s not, you printed a label.

Went to my eye exam stoned. My vision is 20/420

I've been donating a lot of blood recently. Not voluntarily.

Apparently the only qualification to be hired as a door-to-door salesman is the ability to completely disregard the "No Soliciting" sign.

My dog is a 10 but she's really a 70.