When I show up to ur table with 5 plates and you don't make space for me to drop them, I'm a millisecond from dumping that shit on your lap
Pet names: sleazy old man, you can call me sweetie, honey, baby, darling, sugar lips ALL DAY... You just better tip me fat.
I love when people say I want half decaf /half reg coffee.. Which one do u want bitch? You think that HALF decaf is gonna save your life ?
You know you work too much when you consider a day your day off because you only work until 3 rather than midnight. #lifeofabartender
For the love of god, some1 please fart or shit yourself next to my table ...who's been sitting with the check in front of them for an hour?
It isn't truly #sundaybrunch until an old person accidentally shits all over the bathroom floor. Just another day at the office, kids
I survived brunch without punting a two year old across the dining room! It's the little things in life
I don't know why, but I habitually wash my hands in the water dispenser where i pour fountain drinks ...
"Big as a house, that's whatchyou gon' be. big as a house" - black guy I work with after watching me eat 5 French fries in a row
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