r/dating_advice survivor
Joined December 2024
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Most men today are both overly romantic and overly defeatist. The former is the cause of the latter. You can watch as many RP podcasts as you want. Doesn't matter if you still default to "going above and beyond" before she even gives a dam.
bcool retweeted
The biggest problem I see with men BY FAR is the lack of mental strength to be OK with pissing his wife off.
All problems come down stream of this.
bcool retweeted
This skewed this way because all women have to go off of on dating apps is our looks and ALL women have is their looks to get our attention.
In person, they can smell our cologne, register our confident body language, see us preselected by other women etc. Men are valued more just their looks in the real world.
Referencing this graph is a waste of time and proof that whoever espouses is not in the arena.
In other words, an excuse not to try.
bcool retweeted
The beautiful middle ground is where you accept women for who they are but NEVER romanticize their peculiarities. Nor is your response always "love." Sometimes it's rejection. Or humor. Or ignoring her. These of course are the nuances to universal acceptance and "love" that women will never tell you about.
bcool retweeted
Meanwhile, in the real world, there are more Relationship Ready Husband Material men scaring women off for leading with that and wearing it as a badge of honor, than there are "over-zealous sex crazy fuckboys" turning women off with that energy. Yours is the energy that is common
Guys like this need to realize that women are just looking for a reaction here. It's not genuine, so responding with genuineness and concern makes no sense. Besides, as he said, "she hardly talked." He didn't like her/she didn't like him. So why write an essay and give her validation?
Went on a date, she hardly talked. So I didn't bother following up with her. 19 days later she texted me
Readers added context they thought people might want to know
This entire post is stolen from reddit
reddit.com/r/Nicegirls/s/…
bcool retweeted
What a lot of these bitter about women fellas are really wanting is a boyfriend.
They want women to just behave, be logical, and stay consistent for the rest of their lives together.
Women are the equal opposite of a man, and this is a good thing.
bcool retweeted
Never feel entitled to women.
I know this is a contentious thing to say in this day and age, but women feel this immediately whenever they deal with you.
This may blow your mind, but the reason some women sleep with unattractive men, men you would never guess they would sleep with, is because those men offer them freedom. Being with a guy who has heavy expectations is one of the most terrifying things a woman can experience.
She thinks, “What if I fail and he leaves me?”, “What if some other girl takes him because I am not enough?”, and “What if I get fat and he is no longer attracted to me?” and so on and so forth.
bcool retweeted
All the woman haters, and bitter pill kind of guys are simply no fun to be around for women or men.
Women should be the ones having the most emotional outbursts about the relationship, not men.
She should be the one saying "I love that man but he's an asshole sometimes".
He shouldn't be sitting around quietly seething at her for not giving enough BJs, he should be out there doing things with his life while she sits around hoping to be able to give him more BJs.
A fun one over on Threads. One thing with early interactions is never to linger. Make an early connection, get the number, stay a few minutes after and then move the heck on. That's part of where OP went wrong here, clinging to the same woman for an hr and 20 minutes, when he could have been working the room and talking to others. Maybe then you circle back to her later on and then, wait for it, leave the party with her. Guys get stuck on numbers, when if a woman is right in front of you, your only immediate thought should be LEAVING THE VENUE together.
Second part is just about who he is as a man. If you've done the work, the only conclusion anyone, especially a 70 year old, should be having when coming into your interaction is that you two are a beautiful couple (or on your way to becoming one). But something about OP's vibe did not communicate that.
The replies are predictable, with women like clockwork saying things like "they're not exclusive" or "why is he acting so precious!" This is by design and mostly subconscious. They've already classed OP as a loser, so all the "wisdom" they have for him stems from that.
These sad Reddit tales are all the same. But bottomline: Men who lead ("you guys can plan something for Friday or Sunday. Sat will be too crazy w/the wedding"), have healthy entitlement, don't create covert contracts while secretly building resentment, and turn themselves into plowhorses, generally don't get treated like this.
One thing I find interesting every time this post reemerges is the assumption that she thought was giving him a "compliment." I mean, I know that's what she announces to Reddit. But that doesn't mean it's what she really believes underneath -- or is even immediately considering .
Much of what women do is about establishing and reinforcing a narrative. One of the first things that happened when the dust settled after my buddy's wife cheated on him, was to go on social media and talk about how they had an amicable sit down, reestablished the friendship they had, and were moving forward separately on good terms. Low and behold, a month or two after that, she soft launched her new man on the same social media platform, a more successful version (at the time) of my buddy. But one could not happen without the other. Otherwise, she'd be "the bad guy." And women can NEVER be the bad guy. So it needed to be weaved into a story, so she could move from one guy to the next in a palatable way.
All that to say, in this particular scenario, what's going on for the woman? Why say this? Well, just like above, she's going through a transition period, and trying to sell herself (and the world) on it. But instead of it being about one guy, it's about a TYPE or ARCHETYPE of guy. She's transitioning from her fun single years, to her serious settling down years. The men she's been having fun with, the men she has true desire for, but also the ones who have the power to shatter her heart into a million pieces, to the stable guy who will never walk away. Key here is that the person she's selling least in this equation is her nice stable guy. Yes, yes, she's also gaslighting him. But he's already a given, already fully sold in her mind. In fact, there's nothing she can do or say that would ever violate that, or so she thinks.
Ultimately, women will always weave stories. The best version of it, as far as I can tell, is when she's gaslighting herself and telling stories in a way that's flattering to you. Obviously, the above scenarios are not flattering to men and more men than ever are aware of this. But most men have NOT experienced the good version of this solipsism. Where basically, a woman is so bought in that she's always weaving stories that are even more flattering than the one's you'd tell about yourself 10 shots deep after winning Nathan's Famous International Hot Dog Eating Contest. The stories women tell about you that supersede all the noise from her BFFs. This is where you want to be and is the truest compliment.
Bingo. You're also forcing women to tell (comforting) lies to you, rather than the full truth. Reddit dating subs are awash with naive nice guy threads about a guy finding out that his girl "lied" about her body count. Well, of course. He set the table and made his bed.
Meanwhile, if he simply just had sexy conversations with his girl, while being non-judgmental, he'd have a general sense of what kind of girl he was dealing with. Then he can decide if she makes sense as just a fling or something way more serious.
Men who are judgmental of female sexuality are never going to experience the best sex a woman has to offer.
Think about this logically.
Do you feel comfortable sharing the most vulnerable parts of yourself with someone who expresses extreme judgment of you?
Of course not.
Women hear men condemning women as sluts and whores and think "ok I can never share what truly turns me on with this guy."
But when you create a space of non-judgment for her to express herself...
Don't be surprised when she does things you only thought were possible in your dreams.
bcool retweeted
I used to think girls who sleep with guys on the first date are the problem.
But nowadays I know for a fact that guys who can't sleep with girls on the first date are the real problem.
They're the real problem because they're the source of all slut-shaming.
You'll never criticize something you benefit from.
Nothing "slutty" about a girl expressing genuine desire for a man, or 2 souls coming together and ravishing each other's bodies because they're so into one another.
It's possibly the most natural and beautiful thing on this earth -- it's a feeling to die for.
The only people who have a problem with this are those who are shut out of this club and prevented from participating.
So they just want to burn the world down and ruin it for everyone else, even themselves. – at Barcelona, Spain
For the average guy, a lot of things about women are very paradoxical. In a previous thread where I was debating this, I made the claim that women are far more likely to be icked out by a random internet guy asking a woman on a hike, than over to his place. Yes, you read that right. There are several reasons for this, but it all comes down to the fact that a man asking a woman on a first date for a hike raises way more questions (and has way more downsides) than a guy asking a woman over to his place on a first date.
A hiking first date raises the following questions and insecurities in women:
Is he a 5-star Bill Bryson type hiker who expects me to scale some boulder in Boulder on the first date, all the while expecting me to look cute?! I don't want that.
What if the date is awkward halfway up and we run out of things to talk about? How can I quickly escape when we have another 1 hr back down the mountain? I don't want that.
Is he going to disappear me like Joe Goldberg in the middle of nowhere with no reception so I can't even do the obligatory location tracking/txt check in with my girlfriends? I definitely don't want that.
What kind of man wants to spend all this time with me with no easy exit if it doesn't go well? Is he a loser? Doesn't he have (male) friends do these (potentially) more hardcore activities with?
A straight-to-apartment first date raises one question and one question only:
Are we going to have enjoyable and consensual sex that feels like a win to me?
This man's agenda and intentions are 100% clear and provided the woman signs on, well, it's smooth sailing.
This will be part of a series of posts on here about a larger point: Women have a much higher bar for romance than they do for sex, just like women have a much higher bar for the Husband Material Guy than they do for Mr. Fun Guy. All the fun guy needs to do is make her FEEL. Husband material guy needs to jump through 1000 hoops, constantly reassuring her he has the "right" agenda all along the way.
Shorter version: be the fun guy. Mr. Romance is creepy because again, women are far more icked out by a guy asking a woman on a first date for a hike, than a first date over to his place.
