Clear Lines

When I birthed my babies with no pain relief I was described by midwives, as ‘strong’ and ‘a pro’. I was told I was a ‘natural’. The truth was, as a survivor of CSA I feared pain relief would make me feel less in control of the situation, and my body. I didn’t tell them I was a survivor of CSA but nobody ever asked. I was used to coping with pain and discomfort, and my needs not being met either by myself or others. I was used to saying ‘I’m fine’ when I wasn’t because for many years the alternative was impossible. We live in a world that doesn’t want to hear the words ‘I’m a survivor of CSA. Please help me. I’m not fine.’ I’m proud of my 4 labours and yet refuse to use ‘unmedicated’ as a badge of honour. If CSA had been openly discussed by midwives during previous appointments, I might have felt able to express my fears, and to allow myself the pain relief I needed, and deserved. This is not a critical post - my midwives were the most wonderful women, but the impacts of CSA are not widely recognised, or understood. I’m very proud to be involved in work that we hope will go some way to implementing systemic change. #traumainformed #maternity #midwives #accessiblehealthcare #CSA