charles westmoreland

I think it's good that you can admit this. So many of the problems with feminist discourse come from people unwilling to make these kinds of admissions and trying to force feminism to let them have their cake and eat it too. That's how we got choice feminism. A lot of women, I think, are embarrassed to admit that patriarchy has "won their hearts" to some extent. But rather than unpacking this slowly and with self-care, they go into denial and craft elaborate rationalization-based theory to insist that their desires are compatible with feminism, and make anyone not validating them the problem. I think it's helpful to see problematic kinks as equivalent to say, having depression, anxiety, or PTSD. Having them is not a moral condemnation of your character, we understand that it was put there by the outside world and not really in your control, but at the same time we still try to address it rather than romanticize it as "just part of who I am."