@lmegordon

I'm a mom, an aspiring novelist, and a political activist.

 Missouri, USA
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Joined November 2013
  • Tweets88.7K
  • Following2.2K
  • Followers23.2K
304Media
Nobody has ever been more surprised than a husband hearing about his wife's plans for the second time.
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Lady Lawya
@ParkerlawyerOct 16
She should have just called herself a lawya.
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Not Today Eric
@NotTodayEricOct 15
Nobody has ever been given garlic bread and been upset about it.
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Wife: Why are you drinking at 3 PM on a Thursday? Me: I just finished our daughter's FAFSA form. Wife: Me: Wife: Do you need me to top you off or-
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Katie Zacharia has been fired as White House Press Secretary after five days. That’s half a scaramucci. Five days is now a zacharia.
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Big Timi
@OrevaZSNOct 4
why aren’t the robots working in the mines and oil fields and handling toxic chemicals or picking plastic out of the ocean? why are they writing emails and making powerpoint presentations? what the hell are we doing
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I just had to walk my mother through direct-depositing a check using her iPad if you’re wondering why I’m drinking at 11 AM.
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meghan
@deloisiveteOct 5
The kids are home on break this week, and their Halloween costumes just arrived, so guess I'll send in the Grim Reaper to wake up my husband
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Prello
@DPrelloOct 1
A bank just informed me that they couldn’t continue my application because they couldn’t confirm my address. They told me this via a mailed letter. They sent. To my address.
Readers added context they thought people might want to know
This post uses nearly identical text to earlier X posts, e.g. x.com/Fatimarhtur/st… and x.com/ituajiv/status… from September 19. x.com/Fatimarhtur/st… x.com/ituajiv/status…
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I don't know how many versions of the same password I've got left in me.
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None of my high school students know who George Costanza is. Happy Thursday.
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Humans beings weren't meant to endure this much two factor authentication.
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starting “circle back after the holidays” season October 2 this year, as a treat
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My wife is at her first ceramics class in case you were wondering what everyone is getting for Christmas.
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Neil Stone
@DrNeilStoneSep 23
In the 1960s, most children with leukaemia died Now over 90% survive Science did that
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Not Today Eric
@NotTodayEricSep 23
“Wow you lost weight” Thanks I can’t afford food.
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Yeah Yeah!
@YeahYeahOkBroSep 22
I DO NOT NEED TWO FACTOR AUTHENTICATION TO PAY MY ELECTRICITY BILL. LET ANYONE IN THAT MOTHERFUCKER IF THEY WANT TO PAY IT
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meghan
@deloisiveteSep 22
Just went to check on my toast to see why it was taking so long, and here’s the thing, apparently you have to push the little lever down to get it started
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meghan
@deloisiveteSep 18
What is the HOA going to do about the noisy kids who keep coming in my house and demanding snacks and calling me mom
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My daughter asked me to play doctor, but when I called for an appointment, she said she had nothing available until next year.
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one time a kid at school called me “ugly” and my dad was like “hey, bill gates, mark zuckerberg, winston churchill… some of the most successful people in history have been ugly” and i was like, thanks dad, but i was looking for something more along the lines of “you’re NOT ugly”
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