LEE PAIN$ (@lpcarter) profile picture

LEE PAIN$

@lpcarter

I've never been more serious in my life.

 MINNERAPOLIS
fivewattcoffee.com
Joined February 2009
  • Tweets8.6K
  • Following259
  • Followers456
761Media
Photo by LEE PAIN$ (@lpcarter)Photo by LEE PAIN$ (@lpcarter)Photo by LEE PAIN$ (@lpcarter)Photo by LEE PAIN$ (@lpcarter)Photo by LEE PAIN$ (@lpcarter)Photo by LEE PAIN$ (@lpcarter)Photo by LEE PAIN$ (@lpcarter)Photo by LEE PAIN$ (@lpcarter)Photo by LEE PAIN$ (@lpcarter)Photo by LEE PAIN$ (@lpcarter)
(14 beers deep at the karaoke bar) I’m a singer, who’s prolly gonna sing again… bitch don’t kill my vibe, bitch don’t kill my viiibe
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Who else is afraid of the Y2K bug? 🫨😬
Image from LEE PAIN$ (@lpcarter)
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I think it would heal America if they bring Luigi Mangione out at halftime during an NBA game and he drains the half court shot 🏀
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Yeah, writin down a tweet / that never would come to me / Workin’ on a mystery, goin’ wherever it leads / writin down a tweet
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This concludes (and serves as the only entry in the) Twitter Series bit: Petty Good Tweets
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Gucci down to the crocs
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Papa John’s Misty
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Sweet dreams are made of tweets (A thread)
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Who am I to disagree? (End thread)
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In the club crying (to Owl City’s 2009 hit Fireflies)
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I don’t like getting all political on here but Mott’s brand fruit flavored snacks are among the worst on the gummy snack market
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*Walking into my first day at the big marketing firm downtown blasting @Metallica’s Enter Brandman* 😎 🎶 👉🏻👉🏻 👔 👖 🎵 👞👞
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(Me as Dr. Dre) 🎤🎵 Now you wanna run around talkin bout puns like I ain’t got none… what you think I told em all? 🎶
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I turned 36 last week, and am reflecting on how aging has caused me to be more and more grateful for the things in my life. Now that I’m 36, I’m grateful for the lumbar support pillow on my couch
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Me sitting down without some lumbar support
Image from LEE PAIN$ (@lpcarter)
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Interviewer: so do you have any final questions about the job or any other thoughts for us? Me: JFK is alive and not only that, he lives on a small tropical island as a bartender named John F. Grenadine
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3.78 seconds after pulling a giant, oversized mariachi guitar out of my pants: “And YES…. I’m happy to see you”
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I think Hugh Jackman should change his name to Hugh Jassman but that’s just my opinion
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Sometimes you crush the Claw, and sometimes the Claw crushes you
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Guys this was my tinder bio in 2019 and the girl I’m dating to this day accepted my Super Like™️ around this time. Guess I crushed the Claw 🙂
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I can’t become President because some protester is going to graffiti “Cuck Farter” on a piece of plywood ☹️
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