@mentalpause1

The glass is half-full AND half-empty. I can be in 2 places at the same time. This rabbit hole never ends

 Surfside
Joined August 2018
  • Tweets68.3K
  • Following1.5K
  • Followers4.1K
703Media
Dark chocolate is just regular chocolate with secrets that you don't want to know about
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Nobody's coming to save you, but somebody is definitely coming to explain it to you
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Mike Mentalpause retweeted
Alicia says Boo! 🔪@AliciaAgain417h
The devil said dance and she did.
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You remind me of a simpler time when Moon River was a cool place to get laid at
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Mike Mentalpause retweeted
CoCo@unhingebingeOct 27
I might explode if I don't say stupid things on the internet.
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Mike Mentalpause retweeted
CoCo@unhingebinge9h
The scariest part of halloween is the rising price.
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CoCo@unhingebingeOct 17
There's no place like bed.
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CoCo@unhingebingeOct 26
You look like you use your pinky finger to unlock your phone. You fancy little frangipani.
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Waddya mean PS doesn't stand for primal scream? I've been doing my post scripts all wrong
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Mike Mentalpause retweeted
David 🎃@DBStoner14h
You live by the hoard, you die by the hoard.
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I just liked an Ad.. *throws man card into the void
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I have ADD and OCD. I'm basically a walking curse that cancels itself out
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AI is ruining reality and you guys are still telling jokes? 👏👏👏
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F: Favorite era to be alive in? M: The era where we still hibernated after we evolved from bears.. It's like, don't talk to me for 3 months
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Mike Mentalpause retweeted
liaa@_provisionalllOct 26
dating an ex again is called??
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Mike Mentalpause retweeted
David 🎃@DBStonerOct 26
I have some awesome tweets in my drafts. But I'm saving those for Xmas. So today you get this.
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Mike Mentalpause retweeted
SciPi@SciPiHarveyOct 26
Please don’t put Almond Joys in my kids Halloween bucket…. I don’t eat those
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Am I the fucker or the fuckee in this scenario
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I guess I'm not going to become famous like I thought. Well, at least for a non-criminal reason. That's still in play.
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Mike Mentalpause retweeted
machine pun jelly👹@iamvkhil2Oct 26
boobs don't solve problems, but they do make you forget what the problem was.
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Romantic date ideas like scheduling dual colonoscopies
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