immortal space pirate • he/man • Bit of a smartass • Bit of a dumbass • Bit of a cheapass • Making Twitter More Awkward For Everyoneᵀᴹ
Portland, Oregon
Joined September 2012
- Tweets12K
- Following439
- Followers294
- Likes38.6K
Budget Captain Harlock retweeted
Some bad jokes I had to get off my chest.
ALT Dino 1 doing the exorcist crawl. Dino 2, on phone: Help, I think an evil spirit is controlling my friend. Cop Dino: Sorry. We don't deal with that kind of thing. Dino 2: Oh, I thought possession was nine-tenths of the law.
ALT Dino minister: You may now read the vows you have prepared. Dino 1: I think I misunderstood the assignment. Dino 2: It's fine, dear. Just read what you have. Dino 1: A, E, I, O, U ans sometimes Y.
ALT Dino 1: See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil. Dino 2, licking the devil: There's always a loophole.
Budget Captain Harlock retweeted
If you are the parent of a trans kid in Texas, NOW is the time to get out.
We will help you in any way we can. Please reach out to me and I'll make sure to signal boost your GFMs.
Budget Captain Harlock retweeted
Greg Abbot has officially directed Family and Protective Services to begin investigating all trans children in Texas and prosecuting their parents as child abusers.
He has also instructed all teachers, doctors, and caregivers to begin reporting any trans students they see.
Budget Captain Harlock retweeted
Wet kids, drier kids
Kids who want some ink
Fresh kids, salty kids
Calamari makes me think of
Squid toys
Budget Captain Harlock retweeted
When talking about our agendas for the day, I told my 5yo I was a little nervous about a meeting I have today. He said, “Mama, I am nervous all the time. I know what to do.” So friends, here is all the advice he could fit into the drive to school:
Budget Captain Harlock retweeted
This will be my most sincere tweet ever.
I am pleading with anyone who will listen. I’m begging you, as a nurse, from the bottom of my heart…please get vaccinated. Today.
I’m so tired. We’re all so tired. And we’re running out of resources and people. Please…please help us.
Budget Captain Harlock retweeted
Public Health is not a roadblock to a prospering nation and economy—it is the pathway.
Budget Captain Harlock retweeted
2021 WAS AN EXCELLENT YEAR 🧵
I don’t know what everyone’s complaining about. 2021 was a really good year.
First the coup failed. It could’ve succeeded. It almost did. Democracy could’ve crumbled. America could have ended. But it FAILED - on live TV & we all got to watch.
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