Husband, dad of 10, pastor of The Bridge. Don’t blame them. Tweets are my own.
I'm a moving target.
Joined May 2008
- Tweets66.6K
- Following1K
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Randy Bohlender retweeted
The secret to getting off of calls you don't want to be on is to hang up in the middle of your own sentence. Only a maniac would hang up on themselves, so you must have gotten disconnected.
Randy Bohlender retweeted
If I were U2 and getting older, I'd record sequels to my most famous tracks, like "I Found What I Was Looking For But Then I Set It Down Somewhere And Now I Can't Find It Again" or "They Finally Named The Streets Around Here".
Randy Bohlender retweeted
The guy who delivers our groceries has started leaving little notes on the bags, except they're all very ominous and poetic? Like the first one said "The apples were soft. I chose differently for you. Trust is circular." And I was like okay, weird, but he did get better apples than I would've picked so maybe he's just really into fruit.
But then it kept happening. "Three avocados. Past, present, future. One will betray you." Or "The milk expires Friday but don't we all." One time he left a note that just said "They didn't have your brand of salsa. I have made a choice you will understand only in time."
My husband thinks it's hilarious and has started leaving notes back. Like "Thank you for the bananas. Your wisdom travels with us." They've never met, just this ongoing weird note exchange on our doorstep.
Last week the delivery guy left a bag with a note that said "I have been transferred to a new zone. Another will come. Speak not of me." And I was like oh no this is kind of sad actually? I didn't realize I cared but I did?
The new delivery person showed up yesterday. Very normal, very efficient, no notes. Just groceries. It felt empty.
But then I unpacked everything and at the bottom of the last bag there was a single note that said "Greg briefed me on your journey. The eggs are fragile. As are we all."
My husband wants to invite them to Thanksgiving.
Randy Bohlender retweeted
Changing a map label is one thing
Messing with the lyrics of The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald is another
Randy Bohlender retweeted
For Buffalo Bills fans watching the Argentina/Switzerland match tonight, the flames are roughly where Kelce caught the overtime winner from Mahomes in the 13 SECOND GAME.
Randy Bohlender retweeted
My name was mentioned on the #TuckerCarlson podcast — and the guest, JD Hall, made multiple false claims about me on the show and on his Substack. Claims so outlandish that if you've followed my ministry for more than five minutes, you'd immediately know they're fiction.
In this video, I respond point by point to Hall's allegations, including:
🤑 That I took money from the Israeli government to stop sharing the gospel with Jewish people
🤐 That I "struck a deal" to muzzle Shelanu TV — comparing me to Judas Iscariot and a Nazi collaborator 😱 That I live in fear of deportation and carefully police my words to stay in the country
🤥 That I never confronted Mike Bickle (IHOPKC) or Dr. Michael Brown — when in fact Tikkun raised $100K for the Bickle investigation and I wrote about it in my book When Shepherds Prey
✝️ That Messianic Jews avoid the word "Christian" because the Israeli government pressures them — when the opposite is actually true
Randy Bohlender retweeted
Brits in England: “This is the worst world cup ever!”
Germans driving a Mustang through Georgia with the top down to a game: “🎶AND I’M PROUD TO BE AN AMERICAN, WHERE AT LEAST I KNOW I’M FREE!!!🎶”
