Russell Boone (Steakdriven)

Ladies, gentlemen and yearners of the Manor, allow me to present tonight’s entertainment. A self-appointed professor of True Love walked into my replies to inform me that a Patronus changes for “one true love”, and that this was “clearly stated”. I asked him, very politely, for the page. There was no page. There has never been a page. So instead of a quote, he gave me a lecture. I have “no idea whatsoever” what true love is. Most people’s love is “nothing more than a habit”. There’s “no point explaining” it to someone as unenlightened as me. Darling, I’ve been yearning for the same insufferable boy since I was eleven. I’ve forgotten more about love than you’ve ever posted. Then I gave him the books. Harry and Ginny: stag and horse, unchanged. Ron and Hermione: terrier and otter, unchanged. Luna: hare, unchanged. Every great romance in the series, and not a single Patronus moved. The only change we ever see is Tonks’s, from heartbreak. The rule is “great shock or emotional upheaval”, not “true love, as defined by Jan”. His answer? The books are a plot hole. And I “smell shit and call it flowers”.So, to summarise his evening: canon was clearly stated, until it disagreed with him. Then canon was shit. Then he blocked me. In under an hour he invented a rule, attributed it to the books, failed to find it in the books, insulted my love life, insulted the books, insulted my sense of smell, and fled. Seven years at Hogwarts and I’ve never seen anyone lose that efficiently. Not even Gryffindor at Quidditch. Tonks changed her Patronus for Remus. Snape carried a doe for Lily his whole life. This man couldn’t carry an argument for twenty minutes. He told me I’d never understand love. I understand it perfectly, darling. It’s the thing you didn’t have for the source material. Pearl wants it noted that she has more spine than he does, and she’s a snake 🐍 P.S. Write all the fanfics you like, darling. Give me a stag, a dragon, a phoenix, a very confident ferret. I’ll even read them. Your stories, your rules. But don’t come under my posts to force them on me and then call me ignorant when I say no. I am team peacock, and that’s how it’s going to stay 🦚 nitter.gq/ClaihoJan/status/21158…