Stephen L

thoughts from reading this paragraph by @sunofdopamine after hanging out with him and his boys for a few days substack.com/home/post/p-150…

people also have the wrong idea about what slutcon actually teaches so allow me to clarify. the #1 thing i actually learned about flirting is that i have been faking my way through talking to women my entire adult life. the entire first day i was bullshitting and pretending and making myself small and harmless and asexual, and i ended the day deeply unsatisfied. the second day i attended a session i gradually realized i hated, and i left halfway. i felt very tense and asked @sunofdopamine for help. i described the situation to him, including what had set me off about the session: the facilitator would not stop using language that told us what we were feeling, eg “now that we’ve done this activity, you’re feeling calmer and more relaxed” no i’m not stephen said something like “i’m feeling into what it would be like to have as strong a relationship to language as you do and listen to someone use language in a way you find disgusting *without* speaking up about it. ugh! it sucks.” and it is difficult for me to explain the way in which this was very precisely what i needed to hear in that moment. i was radically catapulted into an experience of my own will and agency, which i had somehow misplaced. i suddenly felt totally fine, kind of pissed, but mostly exhilarated, like i had been trying to drive a car upside down with my hands on the pedals and wondering why i kept crashing into things and stephen had suddenly turned me back upright and put me back in the cockpit normally. it became completely obvious that i should’ve clocked the facilitator as not my style within 5 minutes and i’d refused to listen to my own judgment for 30 more minutes out of a sense of politeness edging into fawning it all became clear. i was unsatisfied because i was constantly preventing myself from doing what i wanted and not doing what i didn’t want. it actually had nothing to do with the reactions of the women, except insofar as they were a kind of barometer of the extent to which i was acting from my will. i was constantly kneecapping myself and cutting off my lifeforce, which not only made me lose respect for myself but was also boring as fuck afterwards i walked around lighthaven intent on only doing what i wanted and not doing what i didn’t want. i gave up controlling my experience, trying to make anything in particular happen, trying to make good use of my limited time. i wandered away from the others. i lied down on a couch and stared at a tree. i stretched like a cat. i drank water with salt. i got in the hot tub, not to talk to the women there but to feel the water on my skin. eventually one of the women started asking me questions and we had a long lovely conversation. i asked if i could stare at her breasts and she said yes later i lost track of her and sat down next to another woman who’d given an interesting talk earlier. i liked her radiant energy and the careful, precise way she’d spoken during her talk. we started talking about god and proceeded to have probably one of the top 5 conversations i’ve ever had in my life. despite having had completely different lives we found ourselves aligning 99% on spicy spiritual hot takes. everything felt incredibly easy and playful. we made fun of each other and at one point she hit me in mock-rebuke and i found myself suddenly very attracted to her in my chest and told her so. we started touching each other playfully for fun while still talking. i became increasingly fascinated by her mind and how thoroughly integrated it felt with her body, her soul, her spirit, her life. i sang to her and watched her face radiate pleasure. my voice became deeper and more resonant. i kissed her on the forehead and cheeks and she beamed at me happily. then we ran out of time, which is convenient because i’m running out of space

‘Should’ is the distance between someone else’s ‘yes’ and your embodied ‘no’

This is also something I think about. Travel allows you to see cool stuff, shop at new places and eat new food. There’s already a lot to explore here and I want to make my domain as heaven-like as possible.