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I will own a corner store, and it will have a boring name like corner stores do. If my corner store is in New York, it will be called something like 346 Franklin Deli, LLC. If my corner store in is California, it will be called something like Laurel Liquors. 1/
The thing I miss most my from slender and humid days is wearing filmy gray heathered t-shirts. They draped from my bones rather than clinging to my flab.
Heartwarming thing that unites the very young and very old is having full-volume speakerphone conversations on the bus
Why do merchants always assume that bicycle riders, walkers, and "other pedestrians" aren't customers?
"A grocery store in Hayes Valley"
I saw Beff Jezos at a grocery store in Hayes Valley yesterday. I told him how cool it was to meet him in person, but I didn’t want to be a douche and bother him and ask him for photos or anything. He said, “Oh, like you’re doing now?” I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” but he kept cutting me off and going “huh? huh? huh?” and closing his hand shut in front of my face. I walked away and continued with my shopping, and I heard him chuckle as I walked off. When I came to pay for my stuff up front I saw him trying to walk out the doors with like fifteen Milky Ways in his hands without paying.
The girl at the counter was very nice about it and professional, and was like “Sir, you need to pay for those first.” At first he kept pretending to be tired and not hear her, but eventually turned back around and brought them to the counter.
When she took one of the bars and started scanning it multiple times, he stopped her and told her to scan them each individually “to prevent any thermodynamic infetterence,” and then turned around and winked at me. I don’t even think that’s a word. After she scanned each bar and put them in a bag and started to say the price, he kept interrupting her by yawning really loudly.
"Read my lips: no new taxes" WOULD be a four-word phrase if it weren't for the colon, which technically makes it five words














