Tanswell Technology

Last update: >be Jason Arday >claim diagnosed autistic at 3 >claim non-verbal until 11 >claim partial deafness in one ear & being taught to sign by yourself >claim couldn't read until 18, still leave school w/ two GCSEs >claim you joined the pro snooker tour at 10, a year before you could speak >claim you won so much at snooker your mom thought you were dealing drugs >have the sport's database show just one amateur event, many years later, w/ zero prize money >claim football academy & a pro career >have Crystal Palace say no record >have the real record show tier eight >claim to have been on Seven Up, a series that first tracked 7 year olds as they grew up >have it first air 28 years before you were actually seven years-old >have BBC say you weren't on it, since you're not a time traveller >claim youths at a bus stop beat you into a weeks-long coma >claim you heard medics tell your parents to switch off life support >claim you begged the judge to spare them >claim they turned up years later as your students, hug them, become godfather to one's child >claim 30 marathons in 35 days in 2010, the last nine on a broken leg swollen to twice its size >add an epileptic fit in later tellings >tell local paper you raised more than £100,000 since you were 17 >claim running 600 miles in six days as your final challenge, when the men's record is 650 >claim it came at the same time as a stroke >have no race time on record anywhere, because why bother >have nobody in the ultra world ever hear of you >hand in a PhD on reflective practice w/ 100+ passages matching another student's 2009 thesis >have 188 sentences come back identical or near identical, including her copy-editing errors >match a second PhD & two published papers on top >claim you did it in 2.5 years, working full time, w/ a brain tumor >claim the tumor was cut out 2 weeks before the viva >claim a stroke after the surgery >claim you turned up & remembered nothing at all >claim one supervision meeting in the whole doctorate >get the PhD anyway >publish a paper claiming focus groups w/ 32 black & minority students >have the quotes match an epidemiologist's quotes >have structure follow his too >lift quotes into other papers & pass them off as interviews you conducted >get a correction, not a retraction b/c well. . . . >delete 18 of the 31 quotes >get full chair at Glasgow >tell TEDx crowd you've raised over £5m by age 36 >claim you were once watched a teacher tell a boy who wanted to be a concert pianist to aim lower >retell sort in 2021 w/ the boy as a would-be astrophysicist >retell it again in 2023 as your own & experience & open a Ch 4 film w/ it >be youngest black prof in 900 years, and at Cambridge >get BBC radio series on loneliness >claim 70% of Brits live below the breadline >be voted number 1 in the Disability Power 100 >collect honorary degrees from Solent, Anglia Ruskin, St Mary's, Westminster & London South Bank >say you raised millions for 70+ charities >claim a Palgrave book called Being Young, Black, and Male >have Palgrave say it was never published >claim water points built for WaterAid across SA & Africa >have WaterAid webpage titled "Why we don't send volunteers abroad" >list yourself as a visiting prof at Glasgow >have Glasgow say “nope” >list yourself as a visiting pro at Ohio State's Office of DEI >have no record and have that office turn out to have shut in 2025 >have Birkbeck say no record of your master's >have Nelson Mandela U say the adjunct post ended >get a second paper corrected 2024 >tell a funeral directors' convention in New Orleans the ultras raised £5m alone, but no record again >be named on more than $10m in UKRI & NIHR grants >write to a minister claiming knife threats, assault, spitting, rape, & death threats, plus bananas, bullets, corrosive substances, & mutilated animals >photograph none of it for some odd reason! >claim a masked man w/ a knife cornered you in the faculty twice >show up on no CCTV either time >tell nobody AT THE TIME