@threetimedaddy
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Joined June 2017
  • Tweets27.9K
  • Following1.5K
  • Followers13.4K
3.6KMedia
If you think you’ve had a bad day, my 9 year old came home from school with a trumpet.
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Why didn’t any of you warn me letting my 12 year old daughter invite 4 friends for a sleep over would lead to them all shrieking on the trampoline at 3am?
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Day 4 of explaining to my kids why there’s no food left in the house because they’ve been at home all week
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How about if everyone associated with the half time show is banned from every stadium for life for crimes against footy
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Why aren’t there any horror films called “help my local supermarket changed their entire layout”?
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Signs you’re old: your favourite album has a 20th anniversary edition that came out 10 years ago
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threetimedaddy retweeted
Laura Matsue
@lauramatsueJun 2
No one is more annoyed by the AI revolution than people who can actually write a sentence. Basically, having any ability to write now is suspect - you will get accused of being AI at some point. It feels like you are being accused of being a witch, of holding a type of rare magic that only the machines are now allowed to have.
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I WISH TO REPORT A HATE CRIME
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threetimedaddy retweeted
Fortesa Latifi@hifortesaMay 19
writers who use AI to write... do they realize they can just... not write? choose something else, bro
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Anj🌤️
@anjectureMay 16
cardinal rule of life : never hookup where you vlookup
k@localdrainMay 16
dating your coworker is just workplace incest
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I’ve discovered part of my hair that is white. Not grey. Not salt and pepper. Fucking white. I’m not enjoying this development.
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My kids don’t care about wearing matching socks. I don’t know where I went wrong.
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𝗔𝘁 𝘁𝗶𝗺𝗲𝘀, 𝗶𝘁 𝗰𝗮𝗻 𝗯𝗲 𝗼𝗯𝘃𝗶𝗼𝘂𝘀 𝘄𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝘀𝗼𝗺𝗲𝗼𝗻𝗲 𝗶𝘀 𝘀𝘁𝗿𝘂𝗴𝗴𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗼 𝗰𝗼𝗽𝗲, 𝗯𝘂𝘁 𝘀𝗼𝗺𝗲𝘁𝗶𝗺𝗲𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘀𝗶𝗴𝗻𝘀 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝗵𝗮𝗿𝗱𝗲𝗿 𝘁𝗼 𝘀𝗽𝗼𝘁. Check in on those around you. #WorldMentalHealthDay | #YouAreNotAlone | @samaritans
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Can’t beat that feeling of being out drinking with work and everyone sharing photos and you wondering who the old grey guy is and realising it’s you
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Miss 11 has a friend round. Me: Says anything 11 to her friend: Mum uses old fashioned words from dinosaur times.
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threetimedaddy retweeted
Henpecked Hal
@HenpeckedHal25 May 2025
When I randomly walk into a room in my home and find my kids playing quietly together I slowly and silently back out like I've stumbled into a den of hungry velociraptors who by some miracle haven't noticed me yet.
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Do parents ever shake off the urge to cut grapes just in case they choke someone? I want to believe.
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Had a huge argument with my 8 year old: 8: I’M NEVER SPEAKING TO YOU AGAIN! Me: What did you say? 8: I SAID I’M NEVER SPEAKING TO YOU AGAIN! Me: Ha, you just did! Haha!
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Sorry I’ve not tweeted for nearly a year. My 8 year old has been telling me all about a shiny Pokemon he caught
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Watched a real life dad call his son off the park field and the kid just walked off first time and they went home. No tears. No tantrums. No pleading. No negotiations. No bribery. No yelling that his dad was the worst in the world. Was it a robot? It was a robot wasn’t it.
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