Vermont. a state of mind.

Those of you who follow New Mexico basketball may have noticed I haven’t been playing or anyone who knows me may have noticed I have been so distant from everyone and there is a good reason for that.  I have struggled with depression off and on since high school. I was diagnosed with ADHD and anxiety in 4th grade. I was put on medication to help with school and only took it during school (summers and weekends off) I was told my medication had a slight antidepressant in it. Since my depression wasn’t constant and would come and go my parents just helped me through it, thinking my medication would help. Last spring, after taking a medical redshirt, trying to recover from surgery, and learning how to balance school with a tough travel schedule my depression showed up in a big, bad, scary way!  I went home after school got out, got into my doctor, and started on an antidepressant.   I returned to UNM for summer and fall and killed it in practice.  Was earning playing time and showing signs of having a great season.  However, in late September I started spiraling into a dark place again. My coaches noticed a dramatic change.  I would call me several times a day to my mom in just a complete meltdown. I couldn’t make it through a practice without breaking down in tears.  I couldn’t function, stopped doing homework, lost interest in basketball, and was going down a dark path to the point where I was questioning if I should even be here.  My coaches called my mom and said she needed to come and be with me.  She was on a plane the next day and spent 4 days in Albuquerque.  I went to see the team doctor and learned my ADHD medication and depression medication were canceling each other out.  For about 6 months I wasn’t getting any medication.  I got on a new medication that worked with my ADHD meds and got in with the sports therapist.  Slowly but surely I started to feel like myself again.  Then the start of the semester came and anxiety attacks kicked in. They would hit me out of the blue.  They were almost crippling and exhausting.  So back to the doctor I went and decided it was time to stop the ADHD meds - too much stimulation.  Now I am about 2 months ADHD meds free.  Grades are still good and I feel like myself again. I still take an antidepressant every day but I am in such a better place! Through all of this, I missed practices and games.  My coaches, teammates and everyone involved in Lobo basketball put me in a protective cocoon and took great care of me and I couldn’t be more thankful for them. My coaches decided to limit me to make sure I was mentally healthy.  I've handled it the best way possible and I understand their decision because I know what a dark scary place I was in. You change from here. I am so grateful that I reached out for help. I knew I could call my parents, coaches, and teammates at any time.  Most people (young kids and young adults especially) don’t have that. Most don’t dare to reach out and ask for help. I hope someone reading this will see that it can happen to anyone, even kids who are living out their dreams.  Everyone needs help at some point.  So there it is. That is the big story and mystery as to why I haven’t been on the floor and why I have been so distant from everyone. I have accepted that I have an invisible injury that I am fixing and is well on the mend!   I will be back in a Lobo jersey next year!  -BA1