Leonard Ellerbe—Boxing Promotor’s Horny Parody

No, John. I’ve never heard anyone bring you up in any context. Whatever faint glimmer of influence you once had faded 20 years ago when you were shilling for the Iraq War and mass immigration. No one talks about you now, reads you, or cares about your opinions. That’s why you’re an elderly man reduced to tweeting at me 10 times a day begging for me to notice you. You’ve been wrong about every major issue for your entire life, killed your credibility, and now you’re doomed to live out your twilight years in irrelevance. So, no, nobody has ever told me that you find me tiresome. That would require them to know who you are and care enough to mention you, which nobody does. You have told me, though, because you’re desperate for my attention. I try not to give you what you want because I don’t generally like being mean to sad old men. But you asked a question, so this is this the answer. I hope it clears things up.

I missed this at the time but apparently I got Stephen King to admit that guns aren’t actually the problem. He caved after just one rebuttal. Pretty amazing.