Nobody cared who I was until I turned in my nightstick for a pair of chopsticks.
New York, NY
Joined August 2026
- Tweets1K
- Following367
- Followers229
- Likes18.6K
HowlingKabukiman retweeted
Found out the cute barista’s shift ends at 9 and showed up with flowers to surprise her. After her eyes did a thing I’d only ever seen on deer, I watched as she backed across the parking lot with keys clenched between the knuckles of her shaking fist. Ball is in her court now.
HowlingKabukiman retweeted
The wife has been denying all my advances at sex lately and cooked me a bullshit crockpot dinner tonight so I been in the living room pelting her black son in the back of the head with peanut m&m's and muttering slurs at him
HowlingKabukiman retweeted
This happened to me except it was cum on my sheets that my mom found while I was at school. It was my cum tho I did that shit.
When I was around fourteen my dad confronted me over a charge on the cable bill for some pay per view porno movie to which he naturally assumed I purchased. I don’t know if it was a glitch or something but I really did not order it. This thing is though I knew this was the case, as I tried to explain myself to my obviously dubious father even I kind of didn’t believe what I was saying, it felt like lying about the truth somehow
HowlingKabukiman retweeted
Throwing up the Wakanda Forever salute to a group of black teens outside the gas station so they know I’m one of the good white people right before getting a cup of Lean smashed into my cracker ass face.
HowlingKabukiman retweeted
Coincidence? Planned? A magician never reveals his secrets. Unless he practices black magic, then you're gonna hear "nigga this a robbery" and your wallet gets pulled out of a hat.
HowlingKabukiman retweeted
Back when people used to say “How it feels to chew 5 gum,” this is what I imagined it felt like
HowlingKabukiman retweeted
I may be a physical coward. But Ive quietly lived a more adventurous emotional life than any of you “chads” could dream of
HowlingKabukiman retweeted
Sure, the Bull has Money, status, my wife and is successful in every meaningful way. But you what he can't do? Make a meatball.
HowlingKabukiman retweeted
When I first met my wife, she told me she was half Spanish. I thought, “Finally, payback for the Alamo.” Then she clarified she was Spanish from Spain. I thought, “Finally, payback for transporting THEM over here.”
HowlingKabukiman retweeted
Needless to say, he lost. Disqualified. According to the doc, the boy had a nervous breakdown. Wish I could cry my way out of my outta shit. Im sorry Im just ventin. My last two boys were duds so I had high hopes for this one.
