Adriane Hamilton

Normalize not having to keep your eyes open whenever you want and not just when you’re sleeping. Yes, I’m high rn.

I’m not gonna just sit here and sit here!

This is probably one of the top five worst things to ever happen to me and I’ve pledged a sorority and been on a Carnival Cruise 😒

Today’s anxiety is brought to you by: Tapping your toe on the scale to turn it on and it automatically saying 25 pounds! I will now spend the rest of the day thinking I have a 25 pound toe 😵‍💫

No one talks about how wonderful it is that every single day of your life you get to go to sleep.

New York’s hottest club is ‘Pfizer or Moderna?’

I don’t know if I should be relieved or offended that a humongous fly just came into my apartment and then immediately flew out.

The best part about not having a boyfriend right now is that I don’t have to watch Cobra Kai.

I’m not saying this Armie Hammer blood-drinking story is 100% true but this is the last tweet he liked...

I’d like to be reincarnated as the towel that’s always over the shoulder of a hot bartender on TV shows.

Sitting here thinking about how I haven’t had to shake hands with one person this entire year and that’s always been my dream.

Just concede already @realDonaldTrump #Election2020

An App that automatically blocks anyone who sends you a text that starts with “Hey stranger”

“I haven’t done it in a while so my tolerance is low.” - Me after wearing a bra for 3 hours

I’ll fall in love when I’m dead.

#SexIsGreatButHaveYou ever had the doors close on the plane and no one is sitting in the seat next to you?

#SexIsGreatButHaveYou ever received your shipment a day early?

It’s been hard to concentrate at work this week because I’ve been obsessively watching this dude I went to college with spiral the fuck out on Facebook over his divorce...