Hiding so that Karma can't find me.
In your closet
Joined February 2012
- Tweets34K
- Following554
- Followers899
- Likes32.4K
Pinned Tweet
Last night a rose did bloom in my secret garden. It has charcoal black petals and thorns covered by blood. Its petals sheened like leather under the moonlight.
Samantha STEPHEN retweeted
My cardiologist told me I have a big heart❤️
She really gets me
Wife: she said enlarged!
And it’s not a good thing stupid!!
Samantha STEPHEN retweeted
We’ve been watching our daughters Golden since mid-May while she recuperates from having twins and gets a routine down
He’s my dog now, isn’t he?😂❤️🐕
Samantha STEPHEN retweeted
My wife told me on Tues that we were going to our daughter’s house “next Saturday”
I was excited all week to see her and the twins
I asked her last night when she wanted to leave tomorrow
She looked at me like I was special and said
“not tomorrow dummy, next Saturday”
Ummm…
Samantha STEPHEN retweeted
She looked at me - the way she'd probably looked at countless other guys before - gave a bit of an awkward smile with a hint of mischief and said, "Is Pepsi okay?" And in that moment, I knew she was the one I'd spend a lifetime telling, "No, it's really not."
Samantha STEPHEN retweeted
You probably think
this haiku's about you. Don't
you, don't you, don't you?
Samantha STEPHEN retweeted
You look stuck.
No shit. Now stop laughing and pull me out of this doggy door already.
Samantha STEPHEN retweeted
Mad Scientist: I’m gonna release a virus
Me: here, have a candy bar
Happy Scientist: let’s play hopscotch
Samantha STEPHEN retweeted
it's easy to
remember
you
just closing eyes
but to
forget you
fate should close
my eyes for always
Samantha STEPHEN retweeted
Me, tired and just wanting to sleep...
My brain: "Imagine if we had to lay and incubate our own eggs. Would that be better than giving birth?"
