Womp womp.

Update, you dumb bitch?

All of their private keys were <255.

They were were generating random keys as 8-bit integers instead of a 384-bit ones.

When you go based on credentials you wind up with this instead, which isn't much better:

They're just gonna use the Beyond Two Souls character model but chop the tits off.

I'm a grown man and I could eat nothing but prime ribeyes for $8/day in 1969 money.