𝕋𝕙𝕖 𝕂𝕒𝕥𝕒𝕝𝕪𝕤𝕥

Official ranking of male professions: 1) Finance Bro — Makes like $500K. Every West Village girl wants him. Barely needs to text back. 2) Unemployed DJ — $37 to his name. Sleeps with more women than the entire list combined. 3) Bartender — Has already slept with your girlfriend. Makes six figures pouring vodka sodas. 4) Firefighter — Women love him. Works 2 24 hour shifts a week. Has 3 situationships. 5) Doctor — Every Jewish mother's dream. Loses his girlfriend to the bartender tho, but bangs his hot PA. 6) Tech Sales — Makes $200K doing absolutely nothing. Personality revolves around golf and cocaine. 7) Lawyer — highest salary. Bald at 29 tho. Wife is secretly on Raya and cheating on him with ⬇️. 8) Personal Trainer — Broke, but with abs & arms. Knows your wife better than you do. Has fun. 9) Real Estate Agent — Hasn't sold a house in 8 months. Instagram bio says CEO. Lives in NJ, but bio says NYC. 10) Consultant — Makes PowerPoints for a living. Thinks flying Delta is a personality trait. 11) Engineer — Makes $180K. Hasn't spoken to a woman outside of work since 2022. 12) Accountant — 5'7, balding, 820 credit score, maxed 401(k). Pays for her dinners while she texts the unemployed DJ. Future stepdad.