rockpatrickscissors

ive got two free tickets to @HotWaterMusic tonight if anyone wants them. Babysitter bailed on me….bummmmmmmed

have you seen the clouds today?

I wish I could watch Haley Stevens do the crate challenge

ive never seen such a terrible fanbase @ManCity fans leaving at 90’ when your team is down a goal and cooking…

i think there’s a flaw in my code

I hope forgiveness dies

we’ve got a lot do innings left in this game

cops don’t say “FREEEEZE” enough anymore

would it just be easier if I was in prison and reading books?

I wish a St. Bernard would bring me coco

i know my worth but sometimes i go on sale

sorry, baby….I’ve already got a date tonight….with Ken Burns and the Second Indochina Conflict

it’s picture day and my daughter was adamantly against lasers….blossom tree? Boooooo

Ken Burns is my hero

“im my key demographic”

when going though hell…keep going

im sorry, I won’t be available…I’ll be washing my hair

what asshole broke my toilet seat?

the trap I set for you seems to caught my leg instead

hot air ballons are so cool…but I’ve got 5 or 6 way more stupid ways to go out