Herschel Pennymacker (@pennymacker) header
Herschel Pennymacker (@pennymacker) profile picture

Herschel Pennymacker

@pennymacker

I know why the caged bird drinks. https://nitter.gq/t.co/sozrAgOyqo

Joined January 2017
  • Tweets19.7K
  • Following1.5K
  • Followers1.6K
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Photo by Herschel Pennymacker (@pennymacker)Photo by Herschel Pennymacker (@pennymacker)Photo by Herschel Pennymacker (@pennymacker)Photo by Herschel Pennymacker (@pennymacker)Photo by Herschel Pennymacker (@pennymacker)Photo by Herschel Pennymacker (@pennymacker)Photo by Herschel Pennymacker (@pennymacker)Photo by Herschel Pennymacker (@pennymacker)Photo by Herschel Pennymacker (@pennymacker)Photo by Herschel Pennymacker (@pennymacker)
The cannibals feed me corn and call me “Wagyu,” a sign, I believe, of respect.
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Skurt Vonnegut (@ThisLocalHater) profile picture
Skurt Vonnegut@ThisLocalHaterOct 26
Asking ChatGPT to love my son, whose name I've forgotten, so I have more free time to spend online
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Judianna (@Judianna) profile picture
Judianna
@Judianna16h
🎶 When the moon hits your eye like it's 4:45…. That's November.
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McErin☘️ (@colleen_eileen) profile picture
McErin☘️@colleen_eileen31 Oct 2021
[handing out candy to a kid with a really attractive father] so do you have 1 Christmas or 2?
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Jerry Lock, pallbearer for hire (@jlock17) profile picture
Jerry Lock, pallbearer for hire@jlock17Oct 31
My Halloween costume is Santa Claus.
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SentientBunnySuit🐰 (@SuitSentient) profile picture
SentientBunnySuit🐰@SuitSentientOct 31
I bet I'd make a pretty good pariah.
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Matty (@bestestname) profile picture
Matty@bestestnameOct 29
I'm fine with being late. I don't even like worms.
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Stewnami (@stewnami) profile picture
Stewnami@stewnamiOct 30
Pouring out some Earl Grey, hot for the dead homie
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Kip Conlon (@kipconlon) profile picture
Kip Conlon@kipconlonOct 29
The next person who tells me I’m being passive aggressive is getting a slightly crappier gift for their birthday.
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Asher Perlman (@asherperlman) profile picture
Asher Perlman
@asherperlmanOct 29
resharing this one for frankly devastating reasons
Image from Asher Perlman (@asherperlman)
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Blather Wince Repeat (@xerxesbigboy) profile picture
Blather Wince Repeat@xerxesbigboy22 Feb 2022
The frantic bosun yelled to his shipmates,“‘What Do You Do With A Drunken Sailor?’ is a ... COOKBOOK!”
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Philosopher King, Oracle (@signalborder) profile picture
Philosopher King, Oracle
@signalborderOct 27
A ton of feathers is actually heavier than a ton of steel because you have to live with what you did to those birds.
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Philosopher King, Oracle (@signalborder) profile picture
Philosopher King, Oracle
@signalborderOct 26
Doing the Heimlich maneuver on random people at the grocery store.
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I‘m going as Amelia Earhart to our Halloween office party by just not showing up.
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korpisworld (@kwkorpi) profile picture
korpisworld@kwkorpiOct 28
This family has been through enough without you switching mustards.
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Skurt Vonnegut (@ThisLocalHater) profile picture
Skurt Vonnegut@ThisLocalHaterOct 28
You life isn't a joke. Jokes bring people joy.
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Herschel Pennymacker retweeted
Emily Waldon (@EmilyCWaldon) profile picture
Emily Waldon
@EmilyCWaldonOct 28
Me, “I really need to get to bed at a decent time tonight.” World Series, “That’s a cute goal.”
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Herschel Pennymacker retweeted
Joe Blevins (@Joe_A_Blevins) profile picture
Joe Blevins@Joe_A_BlevinsOct 27
I will always remember Sir Laurence Olivier for his role as Slappy the Mailman in The Wondrous Mr. Thunderbuns.
Image from Joe Blevins (@Joe_A_Blevins)
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FR4CKER (@fr4ckerjack) profile picture
FR4CKER@fr4ckerjackOct 13
The reason the bartender never notices you and makes you wait forever is because you died 7 years ago in the accident, remember?
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Boots, 'with the fur' (@afraidofwasps) profile picture
Boots, 'with the fur'@afraidofwasps9 Jul 2022
Dropping a quarter off the empire state building and it slots perfectly into a gum ball machine but the gum ball comes out so fast it kills a child
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Herschel Pennymacker retweeted
Andrew McCarthy (@AJamesMcCarthy) profile picture
Andrew McCarthy
@AJamesMcCarthyOct 27
Last year I was able to donate $10k to the animal shelter with the proceeds from Gregory’s calendar. Right now I’m trending to match that despite a significant increase in my costs this year! If you want to help, the Cosmic Gregory calendar makes the perfect gift :)
Image from Andrew McCarthy (@AJamesMcCarthy)
Andrew McCarthy (@AJamesMcCarthy) profile pictureAndrew McCarthy
@AJamesMcCarthyOct 27
I’ve officially started to ship out my calendar preorders! Gregory and I have been hard at work 😸 If you want yours hand-signed (or “paw” signed) make sure you get your order in before the preorder window ends in 4 days! Get yours: cosmicbackground.io/products…
Image from Andrew McCarthy (@AJamesMcCarthy)
Image from Andrew McCarthy (@AJamesMcCarthy)
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