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uopuɐɹq

@BraandoCommando

i just spew nonsense | occasionally funny

 Massachusetts, USA
nitter.gq/search/from:@braandocommando(exclude:replies)
Joined February 2015
  • Tweets15.4K
  • Following757
  • Followers3.3K
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Photo by uopuɐɹq (@BraandoCommando)Photo by uopuɐɹq (@BraandoCommando)Photo by uopuɐɹq (@BraandoCommando)Photo by uopuɐɹq (@BraandoCommando)Photo by uopuɐɹq (@BraandoCommando)Photo by uopuɐɹq (@BraandoCommando)Photo by uopuɐɹq (@BraandoCommando)Photo by uopuɐɹq (@BraandoCommando)Photo by uopuɐɹq (@BraandoCommando)Photo by uopuɐɹq (@BraandoCommando)
This black guy at work, asked me where the color printer was? "Bro, it's 2026, you can use whatever printer you want."
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AB (@AB84) profile picture
AB
@AB84Aug 3
she asked if ive seen the odyssey and I told her I odyssey them titties
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m@thew (@TweetPotato314) profile picture
m@thew@TweetPotato314Aug 3
a diarrheal medicine called “peace of ass”
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me: do you know if there's a mcdonald’s around here bishop: no idea archbishop: there's one two blocks south of here
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bartender: long day? horse: you must be new here
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houseguest: where do you keep your toilet paper me: you keep yours?
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brent (@murrman5) profile picture
brent@murrman516 Aug 2025
[talking to my garbage man’s supervisor] it’s none of his business why I use so much vinegar
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Rad Wizzy (@RadWizzy) profile picture
Rad Wizzy@RadWizzy13 Jul 2025
I hate it when I stab my fork in a salad and get nothing. The people who ordered the salad were also pissed.
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orb (@strwbrysuccubus) profile picture
orb@strwbrysuccubus3 Jul 2025
it’s not drinking alone if you’re pregnant
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Explain it to me like I'm 36 years old
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Golf is kinda sus. Why are you evaluating another man’s stroke
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girlfriend: I’ll have the chef’s salad me: [whispering] babe that’s so rude, just order your own
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brent (@murrman5) profile picture
brent@murrman510 Apr 2025
me: that’s a pretty good bit son’s principal: nevertheless he can’t pretend to be me
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pj (@pjayevans) profile picture
pj@pjayevans22 Mar 2025
It’s perfect that the basketball bounces so the players don’t have to keep picking it up
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dilly (@2dilly2dally) profile picture
dilly@2dilly2dally21 Feb 2025
Going to a job interview when you’re bald is wild like yeah I wanna work here oh and btw here’s my scalp
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greg (@gurreggg) profile picture
greg@gurreggg4 Feb 2025
Whoever coined the term coined the term coined the term coined the term
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All I'm saying is that big burgers should be fucking wider not taller
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vaping is crazy… you walk past a group of mfs lookin gangsta but they smell like strawberry muffins 😭
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Sam Morril (@sammorril) profile picture
Sam Morril
@sammorril2 Feb 2025
The Lakers: “we are a serious organization here, Luka, so you’ll need to stay in shape and pretend Bronny should be an NBA player.”
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Luka Doncic trade the worst since Biden traded Brittney Griner for the biggest weapon trafficker on earth with Russia
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