nora

Most gender posting I see online seems to center on concepts that work well within high-narcissism relationships (relationships where authenticity is suppressed & ego validation is prioritized at the cost of genuine connection). I think this is why there’s so much of the weird/gamified sexual strategy posting and so little of the stuff about what makes actual connection work. Actual connection is pretty simple. You show up and delight in another person showing up. There’s work, but it’s more in the realm of clearing out ongoing space for authenticity & grace. Playing (and winning) weird ego games or fixating on schematic understandings about the opposite sex won’t get you to real connection. It’ll help you win the game of securing narcissistic supply. And if you don’t know the difference that might feel like love. But the real stuff is a whole different ballgame. No amount of strategizing about how to best disconnect from yourself or manipulate another person to disconnect from themselves will get you there because love requires a mutual, ongoing connection to self. To each person’s spontaneous and honest desires. To ongoing autonomy, and differentiation. Mutually maintaining these things is where the real work of love begins (and continues on & on).