silly billy
Earth's OUTER core
Joined March 2009
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Pinned Tweet
Lost my job as an Old West saloon piano player when a mysterious stranger walked in the door and I just kept playing
Andrew Fowler retweeted
[Me as a cop]
Partner: Dude you gotta work on your catchphrase
Me: *slamming criminal's head on car hood* UNLIMITED BREADSTICKS
Andrew Fowler retweeted
Okay so in this joke it's an episode of Antiques Roadshow but it's the 18th century and the guy is like "you just bought this"
Andrew Fowler retweeted
A 31 year old Joe Biden just woke up from a long nap on the Amtrak. All he remembers from the dream is a white rectangle that could hold a thousand songs
My favorite year is 1988 because for eight months Lizzo and Salvador Dali were alive at the same time
Andrew Fowler retweeted
THE ANAGRAM KILLER: If you ever want to see your family again, you have ten seconds to anagram the word... "dictation"
ME: *sobbing* I can't do it
Andrew Fowler retweeted
bob costas: “we’re here in cleveland, where the slight autumn chill in the air is a bleak reminder of the chilling fact that each day we are all spiraling towards the unavoidable conclusion we call death”
ron darling: “i think he goes fastball here”
ME: I will now give my Moby Dick presentation as a rap
TEACHER: I specifically told you not to d–
ME: His palms are sweaty, Queequeg's harpoon heavy, there's something on his sweater already, spermaceti
Andrew Fowler retweeted
Researchers Determine Coelacanth Faked Own Extinction To Escape Massive Gambling Debt bit.ly/3JV1Jkl
